


Closer

by axolotlNerd, SirChinnigan



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe - I Burgie Burgie, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Blow Jobs, Choking, Cum Eating, Cunnilingus, Dark!Dan, Deepthroating, Drug Use, Drugs, Edging, F/M, Face Sitting, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fucked Up, Hurt/Comfort, Look if you can think of a kink it's probably going to be in here., Loss of Virginity, NSFW, Painplay, Recreational Drug Use, Seriously why are you reading this, Slurs, Squirting, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Verbal Humiliation, Why Did I Write This?, degradation play, high makeouts, threats of dubious consent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8141125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axolotlNerd/pseuds/axolotlNerd, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirChinnigan/pseuds/SirChinnigan
Summary: Only 18 and yet you already think life has nothing to offer you.Only 19 and he thinks he knows everything he needs to about the world.You just want the outside to hurt as much as it does inside.He's willing to do that for you.((Mindless dark and fucked up self indulgence I dunno if y'all wanna even read this shit.))





	1. -Help me get away from myself-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited April 2018

“Are you gonna jump?”

I wasn’t that startled when I heard the voice behind me, a little bit of a twitch since I’d heard the rooftop door open, had braced myself in that moment for a yell or something, but instead heard nothing but the soft click of the door shutting. A part of me could sense someone there but I didn’t want to turn around to look. 

Maybe I didn’t want to see some stranger looking at me like I was pathetic.

Maybe I didn’t want to think that someone had opened the door, seen me, and then shut the door not caring enough to stop me.

Maybe I didn’t want to be stopped.

Maybe I did.

“Are you going to stop me?”

They’d been quiet this whole time, watching me, they’d gotten pretty close as well and I hadn’t even heard them. I wondered what it was they were waiting for.

“No.”

That surprised me enough to finally turn my head to look at the boy- no man, standing next to me, startled once more that he was even closer than I’d thought. 

Something about him reminded me of a cat, that perfectly aloof look combined with an inquisitive stare. A shock of untameable curly hair, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, a careful face of poised boredom that was a little hard to believe considering how much he was moving around, trying to perfect his stance of careless grace, much like how a cats tail would twitch to show excitement even if the rest of him was still.

It would certainly explain how he’d gotten so close without me hearing him.

A vague twinge of recognition stirred in me as I looked at him, finally placing the familiarity of his features. He was that older kid who sat at the back of my socials class, one year older than everyone since he’d been held back due to some illness a few years ago and never bothered to put in the effort to catch up to his ‘peers’ instead opting to attempt to be the ‘cool older kid’ in the class, and to all effect seeming to fail at it. 

Unless ‘stoner loner’ was one of those self made requirements for him to be cool in his head.

Turning back to look at the parking lot it was more difficult to wallow in the self pity I’d been indulging in now that he was there and I could still feel his eyes on me. 

Even though that deep pain was still in my chest, worming it’s way up to my throat, choking at me, I didn’t want to cry or scratch at myself now.

Not with an audience.

I hated this even more than I had a few moments ago, It was too late to just hop down and leave, I knew who he was and he probably knew who I was, so I stood there and let the urge to step forward wash over me. 

Now that he was here even more than before I didn’t want to step back off the ledge, didn’t want him to spread the rumour that I was /that girl/ who tried to kill myself for attention. 

God how I hated those people sometimes, I felt for them in my clear moments, but never wanted to be one, I never wanted people to know how much I hated myself, how disgusting I really was.

At this point I’d rather be the one who wasn’t talked down, or that maybe he was the weirdo who had caused me to jump? I felt a little bad to think he might get blamed but I supposed it wouldn’t matter, after all I wouldn’t be around to hear it.

He didn’t actually touch me but I could sense, or maybe just see him move out of the corner of my eye.

“If you’re gonna jump anyway can I push you instead?”

That he was close enough to do just that had a jolt of pure instinctive life preserving terror run through me and I hopped off the ledge in the direction of the roof, no longer in a position of danger if he did decide to give me a shove.

“What the FUCK dude?” I’d stumbled but kept my balance and turned towards him, my heart now pounding so hard in my chest it’d actually blown the dark scum inside of me away for a brief moment leaving nothing but confusing anger and possibly some fear.

He just looked at me, turning to lean on the ledge of the roof, a neutral look on his face as he pulled out a pack of cigarets from his pocket ignoring me while lighting one, taking a long drag before giving me a bored “What?” Like he didn’t understand what I could possibly be upset about.

“Fucking What the FUCK?!”

Breathing out a puff of smoke he shrugged.  
“You were gonna jump weren’t you? Figured I could give you a hand.”

I gaped for a moment like a fish, the anger draining away to just confusion.  
“Dude that is fucked up.”

“Is it? Wouldn’t have really mattered to you would it? Dead is dead.”

“But murder is different from suicide, you would have gone to jail.”

“Maybe I was gonna jump after you.” He proposed smiling to himself as he took another drag of his smoke. “Wouldn’t that make for a cool story? People would probably think we were lovers, that our parents were against us being together so we chose death instead.” He prattled on with a dark smirk across his lips. “Y’know that kind of romantic Romeo and Juliet bullshit.”

“But… We’re not.” It sounded dumb to me, no one would believe that.

“Better than ’sad girl jumps off roof no one saw it coming’ or whatever else bullshit story they’d make about you.”

What a weird conversation, although it did make me wonder what story they would tell once I was gone.

“Would you?”  
“What?”  
“Jump after me?”

He snorted and rolled his eyes so hard his whole head rolled in an exaggerated motion. “Of course not, I don’t give a shit enough about anything to fucking kill myself over it.”

Confusion railed back into anger, I could not believe this guy but…

“You’re right…” I said as that flare of rage died and the sticky dark pit in my chest opened up again, my eyes looking down at his feet which were now blurring with tears of pure shame. “I’m so s-stupid aren’t I? Just a f-fucking, stupid…” 

There was nothing in me that I could even say to really express how terrible I felt then.

A part of me wanted to be angry at him, but it wasn’t like he was the one that pulled me up there, he was just saying the same things I’d been saying to myself already.

Coward  
Selfish  
Pathetic  
Useless  
Useless  
Useless

My face suddenly crushed against soft t-shirt, the smell of smoke and old leather surrounding me, I stilted in my self pitying tears due to the confusion of what he was doing to me, trying to pull back and only getting held more firmly against his chest.  
“Wha- Why-Stop I don-“

“Shut up. Just shut up already fuckin’ jeesus. It’s okay, you’re gonna be fine, god.” His tone was so soft for all that his words were still rude and mean, he held onto me tightly until I stopped struggling, and allowed myself the small comfort of having another person touching me, crying like a child against him until I stopped feeling the wash of sinking darkness that had put me here, finally leaving me blissfully numb

Numb wasn’t good, but it better than anything else I’d been feeling.

“Y’done?”  
His arms were now loose enough that I could shove away from him and his sharp words but still I nodded, rubbing at my red eyes, the numbness still in such strong effect I didn’t even care that his shirt was wet with my tears and probably snot.

He pulled his smokes out from his inside pocket and zipped up the jacket to hide my mess on him, not commenting on that strange moment of intimacy and kindness, instead ignoring me while he stared out over the parking lot, watching as the sun started to go down, lighting another smoke.  
The smell of it hit me quickly enough to realize that it was not tobacco and I was deeply unsure about what I was supposed to do now. 

The urge to jump was gone so should I go? I felt dimly that I did owe him something but he wasn’t talking so did he want me to stay?  
I shuffled awkwardly until he waved at me to come closer and offering the smoke with a gruff. “Here.”

“Oh um I don’t-“  
“Shut up and just smoke it, jeeze girl.”

I considered him and his strange mean offer, I could just walk away, but what if he told people? I knew no one would believe him anyway and that he’d held me while I cried shattered his gruff loner appearance.  
Maybe he was lonely too.  
Taking what he was offering I pulled a deep breath…

And nearly died.

The smoke clawed it’s way down my throat and hit my lungs like knives making me nearly vomit with how hard I was coughing.

“Fuck you!” I wheezed through choking gasps of breath hearing him laughing so hard he was letting out little snorts.

“Aw Baby~” He tried to sound smooth but it was hard between his giggles, but it didn’t stop the mean teasing in his words. “Don’t be such a princess. You’re good, you’re good… You gonna puke?”

“No!”  
“Y’sure?”  
“YES!”  
“M’kay.”

He picked his joint up from off the ground where I’d dropped it and brushed it off of any dirt, relighting it and taking another drag, blowing it out while looking at me like he was thinking, his face more relaxed but still unreadable.

“Open your mouth.” He commanded gesturing with two fingers that I should also come closer.

“What? Why?”  
“Open your mouth, when I blow, breath in.”

A part of me was certain this was a prank, that he was going to spit in my open mouth or something worse, this was insane, this was absolutely, 100%, insane that I would trust him at all with such a weird request.

And yet I opened my mouth, obediently leaning toward him as he took a drag, bending low, cupping my cheek, his lips brushing mine just barely as I breathed in while he breathed out. This time around not coughing as hard, able to hold in the smoke for a few seconds before letting it out.

I was sure my face was bright red, considering he hadn’t moved and we were standing so close, glad that the light was fading so maybe he wouldn’t be able to see that I was blushing, that it could be attributed to the pink of the setting sun.

That wasn’t a kiss.

“Again.” His voice was a distant rumble even though our faces were barely a hand span apart, he moved back just enough to take another drag and ever obedient I opened my mouth again, taking in the smoke, taking in his breath, some essence of him washing over me leaving me feeling light and free.

Drawing back he kept staring at me, still unreadable but not as neutral, looking like he was considering something important or searching for something only I didn’t know what.

I wasn’t sure why I found that funny but I giggled, maybe nervous that his hand had moved down from my cheek and was resting part on my shoulder and part on my neck, the airy feeling that was fluffing up my head making me feel a bit better about everything, a lot less concerned at least.

“How blazed are you?”

“Yes.”

He snorted and laughed at my answer, which when what he’d actually said caught up to me, I realized my response made no sense and laughed too.

“Still feel like jumping?” He asked giving my shoulder a squeeze, hand trailing down my arm while I gave a dreamy sounding,  
“… Nah.”

“C’mon then.”

My head cocked to the side looking down to consider his hand which was now taking my own, following after him in a little floating cloud while he tugged me along, off the roof and back down to the library  
.  
“Fell asleep in the back, sorry!” He called out to the librarian who was startled to see us still there, the doors already locked, lucky that she’d been doing some final cleaning before heading home for the night.

Biting the inside of my cheek I tried not to look at her and tried not to laugh. We both probably reeked like pot but she didn’t comment, instead scolding that we were lucky she didn’t set the alarm yet or it would be the police letting us out and not her.

I was in his car and halfway up the street before I even realized what was going on.

“Wait… Where are we going?”  
“My place… Unless you want to go home while high?”  
“Nooooo no nooo.” I let out a nervous giggle still edged with drugs, “My parents will KILL me.”  
“Well then~” He trailed off like that ended the argument of me going to his place.

“Should you be even driving??”  
“Someone’s a paranoid little pothead aren’t they.” He commented back dryly. “It’s fine calm your fucking tits, unless you’re scared we’re gonna…” 

Suddenly he swerved a little, there was no traffic on this road but it was still enough to throw my heart into my throat. “Die?”

A part of me was terrified as I looked at him, grinning back at me, daring me to say anything considering how he’d found me. 

Really what right did I have to complain?

The fuzzy part of me that was floating and free of everything started giggling, laughing even harder when he laughed back, one that was just as dangerous and full of dark mirth as he sped up.

This was insane  
This was insane  
This was INSANE  
   
Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRUGS AREN'T COOL KIDS, STAY IN SCHOOL, BE GOOD, TALK TO SOMEONE IF YOU'RE FEELING SAD LIKE THIS. DON'T GO LOOKING FOR STRANGE MEN TO TAKE YOU HOME WITH THEM, READER IS MAKING VERY VERY POOR CHOICES THIS IS BAD M'KAY?


	2. My whole existence is flawed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Implied threat of rape, drug use, misogynistic slurs.

It took both more time and less time to get to our destination, maybe the weed was making time distort for me, or maybe he just drove around in a few circles aimlessly while I giggled and sang along with his radio, slowly sobering up as we went finally looking at where we were.

It wasn’t in a BAD part of town it just wasn’t in a GOOD part of town either. 

An area that was aimed at students who couldn’t quite afford to live on campus at the local university, but could afford to live at least somewhat close to it, rich enough kids to go to school, but a problem area that came with the underage drinking and drugs that weren’t allowed on the campus so hid in plain sight elsewhere. 

This was his place, a cheap rented out basement of some older house, converted into a shitty little dingy hole that could generously be barely called a studio apartment.

Single room.

Mattress, sofa, tv, table with two chairs. 

Not much else.

It was sad looking but it seemed clean for a guy’s room I supposed, not that I’d been in very many but I’d seen enough and heard enough to somewhat form an opinion.

It made me nervous.

I’d been laughing in the car the whole way here and while I was coming down from the floating cloud I was on I still felt kind of detached and dizzy, thoughts spiralling everywhere unable to focus on them but all of them sort of thrumming the same idea often enough that I could finally grasp at it just as I walked in the door.

“I shouldn’t be here…”

“Got someplace better to be there princess?” He asked turning to look at me considering that even though I said that I’d still walked in and was was looking around.

And he was right, I really didn’t have anywhere else to go, honestly by this point in the day I hadn’t exactly planned on being ANYWHERE.

Except maybe a puddle needing to be scraped off the parking lot.

I stepped back as he stepped closer to me, a cock of his head an that curious thinking look on his face.

“Afraid I’m gonna do something to you?”

He grinned but in a dark way, like the one he gave me in the car just before swerving onto the wrong side of the road, this unspoken threat of something that he controlled.

Was I afraid?

“No…”

He blinked, maybe looking even more pleased, watching me carefully for the lie that wasn’t there.   
“Maybe you should be.”  
This barely earned him a shrug, he was right, maybe I should be more afraid, but what could he exactly do to me considering he found me on a rooftop?

“How high are you still?”

“Mmm up there I think.”

“Wanna get higher?”  
“I could.”  
“Well aren’t we turning into a little miss chronic.”

I smiled at him sweet as spun sugar “Fuck you.”

He smiled back, just as pleasant, but now my heart stuttered, my brain finally accepting the warning signals of the situation I was in as he stepped closer, his presence pushing me back until I tripped and with an indignant yelp fell onto the mattress on the floor that was his bed.

Looking up at him I felt like a rabbit felled by a wolf waiting to be consumed as he stood over me looking down while I finally realized just where I was, finally feeling the fear of the many things he could do to me beyond kill me, finally seeing how his face was unreadable and my senses were too slow and dull to stop him from whatever he wanted to do.

He kept staring as he unzipped his jacket, dropping it with a sharp toss onto the bed next to me making me flinch away from it, putting one foot on the bed right between my legs he pulled off the grimy shirt that had my crusted snot on it, his neutral look changing to a dark grin, stepping more onto the mattress, slowly chasing me while I tried to gently crawl back, not sure where else I could go, scared shitless of what he was going to do.

I didn't really know where I was, if I screamed would anyone even be able to hear me?

He gave a sudden twitch forward making me flinch away with a light scream closing my eyes against what I thought would be his attack on me, instead the mattress bounced as he stepped over me to the other side of the mattress, kneeling over a small wooden box on top of a cardboard box between the mattress and the wall that was acting as a bedside table.

I opened my eyes and scooted away from him, still watching him as he opened the box to grab a little bag and a glass pipe, wiggling them at me to show me that he knew what I'd been thinking, and had been wrong about him, snorting out an amused “Pussy” at my wary face, tossing me his paraphernalia before once more stepping over me and through the only other door in the apartment aside from the entrance, which I assumed was the bathroom.

Placing a hand over my pounding heart I laid back onto the bed trying to calm down from the terrified panic that he’d intentionally put on me. 

What had I been thinking? What had HE been thinking? What was I even thinking now staying around someone who would JOKE like that?

It was disgusting, it was absolutely disgusting, and yet there was a thrill in how my heart was pounding, at how jittery and full of energy and awake I felt now, how clear everything was at the moment. 

I was deeply pondering what kind of a sick fuck I must have been to be running out that moment, instead staying in the same spot staring at his ceiling as he came back still not even moving when I was bounced ever so slightly as he flopped next to me, reaching over to take the pipe and drugs he’d thrown at me lighting up while I laid there my brain twisting and turning with thoughts.

“You ever had sex before?” I asked my mind sort of focused there. His joking threat combined with being alone with a man in his bed had my body buzzing in more ways than what was due to being high. 

“Nope.” The ‘p’ popped as he let out a breath and a puff of smoke.  
“Really??” 

“Yeah really… Why you wanna fuck?”

He was looking at me and I felt my face go red but was still in a mental spot where I was actually thinking about it while looking at him. Did I want to have sex?   
Yes.  
With him?  
Maybe.  
Now?  
Not really after the stunt he just pulled.  
But…

“I dunno… I’ve never had sex before either.”  
He shrugged, no place to throw stones in his glass house after all.  
“Something you might want to consider trying before you off yourself I imagine.”

“I dunno, I hear it’s overrated.”

He snorted and smacked my leg, “Get up.”  
I obeyed, sitting up but still sulked out a “Why?”

He wiggled the smoking pipe, the reason you’d come in his apartment in the first place.

“Think you can take a big girl hit or you still wanna training wheels it?”

I was kind of on the fence about taking it directly, I really almost puked the first time and now was on his bed and the floor was carpet.

“If I gotta hold your hand again I’m expecting make-outs, at least.” The way his tone was lightly exaggerated I was beginning to detect when he was joking but still uncertain since he had a sarcastic kind of lit all the time. But I thought about it, seriously too, he wasn’t bad looking and it wasn’t like he was a total stranger but he’d crossed into some weird scary territory and also…

“I’ve never kissed anyone before either.”  
His eyes widened and he let out a strange startled laugh of disbelief until he saw I was serious.

“No shit?”  
“It’s never really come up.”  
“Never had a boyfriend? None of that spin the bottle at grade school parties?”  
“No, not yet. And I’m not really one of the pretty or popular girls who gets invited to parties like that.”  
“Huh… That why you tried to kill yourself?”

Now it was my turn to be surprised with how bluntly he just asked. Was it? Was that where the pit of despair in my chest that ate up all the light in the world and left me a hollowed out shell come from?

Was I really that small and petty?

“Maybe…” I couldn’t say it wasn’t but I didn’t really want to talk about it now, my buzz was fading fast and it was embarrassing to talk about, to remember that he had seen me at my worst and knew that vile part of me. 

It brought the darkness crawling back, skittering over my skin, reminding me of how worthless I was.

“Are we gonna smoke that or what?” I changed the subject quickly sitting up so that I could look more into my own lap and not at him.

“Puff or blow junkie.”  
“Blow.”  
“You know what you’re askin for with that right?” His voice sounded teasing, taunting.

I looked up at him with more conviction than I probably had.  
“Yeah.”

He tilted his head to the side, with a flick of his shoulders to denote that he didn’t care either way, lit up the pipe taking in a deep drag nodding his head at me, gesturing for me to come closer to get my hit.

This time it wasn’t a delicate brush of lips but a pull of my head and a crashing press of lips, the smoke heavier or harder to take in, or maybe it was because this time it was a kiss, as clumsy or uncomfortable as it was. Or maybe that it wasn’t really a kiss, and he was basically giving me mouth to mouth, only I’d forgotten to exhale beforehand.

Shoving away I coughed out what little smoke he’d been able to pass to me, my lungs already too full and the rest of me burning with embarrassment at the intimate contact. 

“Fuck me you are a puss.”

Tempted to tell him to go fuck himself again I held back, too hot and still a little nervous about him, still not sure what his game was and where everything was going, finding myself starting to care about my safety while still in a fuzzy net of not minding what was happening so far and willing to trust those feelings.

“C’mon, one more princess.”

With hovering mouths this time the air mixed better with smoke, less fear since he wasn’t touching me, less pressure, the most delicate accidental brushes of lips while his breath passed into me.

Closing my eyes I was still leaning towards him, holding in the smoke while he backed away, I could sense his eyes on me while I held my breath counting to five and shifting to back up and breath out when his lips pressed against mine again.

Still soft, a proper first kiss, uncertain and sweet, gentle fingers tracing my jawline. Opening my mouth, releasing the smoke back into his, he pushed closer, stealing the smoke from my lungs, his tongue hot and wet, tracing over mine until I was dizzy, pushing away with a gasp, needing to catch my breath.

He giggled, a silly titter of laughter that seemed at odds with the cold dark attitude he tried to cover himself in.

“Breath through your nose dumbass.” He snickered at my ineptitude taking another hit, just for himself this time, leaning back on his elbows, looking up at the ceiling lost in his own hazy thoughts.

Feeling bold, the dizzy giddiness of the drugs, or maybe the kiss, pulled away all serious thought process. The worries and anxieties I had were starting to dissolve wrapping me back up in that good feeling and warmth. I watched him blow a few smoke rings and then take another hit feeling a want inside of me that I decided to chase. Rolling over I straddled his hips, feeling a thrill at his look of surprise, one of his eyebrows notching up making me notice only then that he had a scar there.

Pulling him back up by his shirt I locked my lips with his, maybe with less finesse but more enthusiasm, push my tongue into his mouth, sucking the air and smoke from him. 

His arms carefully wrapped around me, holding me in place and using me to hold himself up. Passing air back and fourth, stopping only for brief moments for him to pull a quick hit before diving back into me, heat, wetness, tongues, and a fluttering pulse of need.   
I shifted feeling a lump between my legs, pressing gently in a way that was quite pleasant.   
Grinding into it, chasing my own feelings of pleasure he made a noise that sounded like a cross between a rumbling growl and a whine. 

The hand not holding the pipe grabbed my hair and pulled me away from his lips, and it was his turn to suck in a gasping lungful of air making me smirk right back at him, smug that he was just as much a stupid horny teen as I was for as much as he was pretending not to be.

He cursed my name trying to scowl but having a hard time of it with how flushed he was, shifting under me that made me reconsider my stance on not having sex with him right now.

Only…

“By the way… Whats your name?”

He blinked, the lust in his face dropping off and changing to something between angry, shocked, and disbelieving 

“Wha- Wait, you’re doing this and you don’t even know my NAME?”

Guilt and embarrassment gnawed at the edges of my high knocking my confident arousal right into the ground. We were in a class together, but had never talked, he tended to ignore everyone and everyone tended to ignore him so I’d never bothered to learn it.

“You’re a fucking slut aren’t you?”

The hand at the back of my head tightened in your hair preventing me from getting off him at the insult, warning me not to hit him even though I jerked in an attempt to do both.

“Ah ah ah calm your tits princess. Danny- I’m Dan.”

“Danny.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know your name.”

I was expecting him to maybe apologize for calling me a slut, or for pulling my hair, instead his features softened the briefest look of uncertainty crossing his face.

“Am I hurting you?” The grip on my hair loosened, his hand starting to drop, but I touched his arm, tugging once more at his shirt but gently this time, not trying to force him if he was uncomfortable now.  
“No, it’s okay, it’s good.”

Once more he gave me a look, one that was trying to read me, one that made me feel like he really could see inside my mind, only now I was less worried about what he might find since it seemed like whatever was in me didn’t scare him.

“Do you want me to?”  
   
There it was, that danger that had me on edge in ways that a part of me felt it shouldn’t but that I couldn’t help but crave. 

“… Yes.”

He didn’t even look surprised, instead Danny grinned, dark but also something there that seemed genuinely happy and relaxed. 

His grip tightened twice as hard as before, pulling my head back making me gasp and grind into his lap as he ran his teeth along my throat.

“Good.”


	3. You can have my isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good god suicide trigger warnings everywhere.

You’d promised sloppy makeouts and you delivered on that, hands over clothes, bodies grinding together, playing at things that neither of you were certain of but he was pretending to be much more confident about than he probably had the right to be.

“No marks where anyone can see them.”  
“But I can leave marks?”

Teeth on your shoulder, neckline stretched out so he could bite under your collarbone, dull nails dragged along your back.

“Do you want to fuck?”  
“No.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Fine.”

Dan pushed off you then with a huff, leaving you panting in his bed while he went to the bathroom shutting the door behind him. You could hear water running and had a feeling he wasn’t just vigorously washing his hands.

You’d reached your full of deeply stupid decisions for one day.

Digging into your bag you fished out your phone you cursed seeing the time and a missed text from your mom.

/Watching a movie at Sarah’s, gonna stay the night is that ok?/

You were hoping she’d just text back but she decided to call instead.   
“Hey! You gonna stop by the house to grab some stuff?”  
“Nah I’m just going to borrow her things it’ll be fine, we’re in the middle of the show and I don’t wanna ask her grandma to drive me back, she looks about ready for bed already.”

Dan had come back into the room and was giving you a curious look listening to your conversation. 

“Ok well don’t stay up all night, did you girls get your homework done at the library? You know your SAT tests are coming up fast.”  
“Yeah Mom don’t worry. See you tomorrow.”

Hanging up you looked up at Dan who was staring at you with an amused smirk.  
“So you’ll be staying out all night?”  
“Well, I didn’t really want to go home yet. I thought I could stay here?”  
“Oh you thought that did you?” His tone was purely mocking making you bristle a little, it had been kind of presumptive of you.  
“Well, you could drop me off at my friends house if you don’t want me here.”  
“Oh I could, could I?”

You stared at him, not sure what to make of his mean tone. He’d been kind of a jerk all day and you had a feeling that’s just how he acted, but you still didn’t know what to do. He wouldn’t just kick you out at this time of night and expect you to walk somewhere would he?   
Maybe it was being manipulative on your half but he was being a dick so you didn’t feel that bad when that douchy smile melted into a panicked look of concern when you started crying.

It had been a bit of a stressful day anyway.

“Oh fuck please don’t.”   
“Y-you’re being s-so mean a-and I—“   
“Fuck me.” He grumbled sitting back down next to you pulling you into a one armed hug. “I’m sorry okay? I wasn’t going to kick you out I was just fucking with you. For fucks sake please stop crying I’m sorry.”  
He was apologizing but trying to stop a cry in the middle of it often just made it worse so of course you just got the hiccups and couldn’t quite stop.  
He sighed loudly and pulled you back with him while he laid on the mattress again letting you rest your face on his chest while he rubbed your back and let you finish. 

“Why are you doing this?”   
The question was quiet but you know he heard since the hand on your back stopped moving.  
“Dunno… I mean I guess I kinda know what you’re going through.”  
You tilt your head up a little to look at him, eliciting another sigh as he lifts his hand and puts his wrist right in front of your eyes.

You’re a bit surprised you hadn’t noticed but you guessed you hadn’t really been looking at his hands or wrists.  
“When you were sick?”  
“Yeah…”  
“Do you still want to die?”  
“Not so much anymore.” You barely catch the soft “But sometimes…” 

“Was that your first time?” Dan asked you the conversation still dark and serious.  
“No.” His fingers now ran through your hair waiting for you to expand. “Third time, first two were pills.”  
“Do you ever hurt yourself?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Do your parents know?”  
“Nope, they thought I just had the flu both times when I was throwing up the pills.”  
“Gonna tell em?”  
“Can’t say they don’t care because I know they would… My Mom would at least, but no. Mom would just blame herself and Dad would just be pissed off. I mean he was fucking mad as hell when I got sick and my grades slipped. Spending the money on a shrink? We ain’t got that kind of cash.”

Things lapsed back into silence while you cuddled with him feeling oddly better now than you had in years, finally telling someone about this and finding no judgement but if anything a companion in understanding. Everything about him, about this, made sense now. He was mean because he was still hurting, trying to keep you at arms length away so that you couldn’t hurt him just like you tended to keep people away so they couldn’t hurt you either.

“Would you have pushed me?”  
“Only if you really wanted me to.”


	4. Help me, the only thing that works for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for consensual abuse and suicidal ideation, like really if you haven't realized that's going to be every chapter you're in the wrong fic.

You learned more about him in a night than you’d learned about him in the three years you were in high school together.

That he’d left home the moment he was 18 but against all expectation kept going to school.  
That for all people assumed he was some stupid loser that he was actually acing most of his classes and could have skipped up to join his peers but he didn’t care enough to really want to.  
That he could cook.  
That when he forgot you were there he would sing.  
That he was exceptionally embarrassed about that.

That he was cute when he blushed.

That he was a cuddler and you felt safer and slept better in his arms than you’d slept in years.

He drove you home early the next day putting his number in your phone telling you to call if you got hoppy again or just whatever.

You weren’t sure what to do with it, could you text him just to talk? Should you save him for moments of stress?  
He was like a secret sweet, a hidden diary, a blade under your mattress.

You kept it until you were back at school. Not sure still if you could talk to him but still catching his eye when he came into class and giving him a small smile…

And feeling just a little hurt when he ignored you. 

Before you hardly would have noticed where he was, not knowing who he was other than this looming figure quietly existing in the corner of your eye, but now he seemed to be everywhere and nowhere. Scanning the halls for his puff of hair, following him with your eyes between classes, waiting until you saw him dip out of a side door at lunch and abandoning your regular seat with your “group” to slip out after him.

Kicking him directly in his skinny ass from your position above him on the stairs as he stood at the bottom of them smoking outside making him yelp in surprise and turn on you with a murderous glare.

“Baby, you are walking a thin fucking line there.”  
“Why are you ignoring me.”  
“The fuck are you on about, you’re ignoring me!”

You both glared at each other, feeling a little bolder maybe because thanks to the stairs he had to actually look up at you a little and how he started moving closer you could tell he didn’t like your dominant position over him as he backed you up to the door. 

“/You/ didn’t call.”  
“I… Didn’t know if it was actually okay.”  
“Why the fuck would I give you my fucking number if it wasn’t okay?!”  
“Well— I don’t know why didn’t you say hi to me or anything today? I feel like you were ignoring me!”  
“Because!” He stopped short there realizing he didn’t really have a good reason for it. You could tell from the way he suddenly looked frustrated and glanced around like he was seeing if anyone was around listening that maybe he did have a reason, just one that he didn’t want to say. 

“Did you think I didn’t want to be seen with you?”  
From the way that he tightened up and his jaw set you knew you’d hit the nail clean on the head there, even if his mouth spat out “Maybe I just didn’t want to be fuckin seen with /you./”

In hindsight it would be another moment where you would wonder if it was just emotions or manipulation, you always wondered about your emotions like that. Probably why you never talked about them with anyone…

Looking down you tried to shut down any feelings happening, locking the lump in your throat at his mean words and mumbled “Do you not want to be seen with me?”

He made an exasperated noise turning to walk to the edge of the stairs, flipping back and waving his hands in your direction in a choking motion before he balled them into fists muttering things to himself, you could catch bits of it “Don’t you fuckin… Christ… Killing me.”  
With a deep breath he calmed himself, giving you a dangerously charming smile as he boxed you back in, putting his hands on your shoulders.

“Darlin’ if you haven’t noticed, I don’t have any fuckin’ friends or peers to impress. Y’wanna trail around behind me like a ducking, I don’t care. I’m more worried you’re going to expect me to smillle and make shitty teenybop conversation with your friends over the golly gosh latest pep rally!” The last few words came out in a deeply sarcastic sounding valley girl voice.  
“I… Don’t hang out with those kids I’m—“  
“Yeah I know you’re part of the drama nerd squad, hipster fucks, no wonder you wanna kill yourself.”

You huffed at that since you did like your friends but at the same time all of them had depression or anxiety or some artistic melancholy that made existence deeply difficult. Sometimes it felt like they would perfectly understand what you were feeling but sometimes it felt like you were just adding more stress to the group or you worried they might think you were claiming issues just to fit in. 

You were a little surprised Dan didn’t hang out with them since they seemed right up his “Too cool to care” but clearly working on that “cool” type crowd.

But then again under all of them were genuinely good people.  
Under all of Dan you worried there was a too fine line between a possible good person and a possible very, very bad person.

“So you don’t care if I hang out with you?”  
“No.”  
“But you don’t want to be around my friends?”  
“Fuck me god no.”  
“But you like me?”  
“Yes.” An exasperated growl.

You grinned, feeling warm and cozy even though his fingers were digging into your shoulders a little hard.  
“You like me.”  
“Fuck don’t get annoying.”  
“Nah you like me.”  
“Well now I hate you.”  
“Too late, you said it, you liiike me.”  
“Gonna throw you off the fucking roof.”  
“Cus you like me?”  
He was trying not to grin but closed his eyes, shoulders shaking while he tried to keep serious. Wrapping a finger around a strand of your hair giving it a sharp tug he shook his head.

“You are such a pain in my ass.”  
“But you like it?  
“I guess I do.”

—————

It took about two weeks for anyone else to figure out that you and Dan were “A thing” which was the best you could call what was going on between the two of you anyway. While you could spend your lunches with him sitting next to him talking about nothing and everything, when you’d brought up the idea of “Boyfriend” he’d mocked you into silence and wouldn’t apologize for it in the slightest. 

Most people knew when people were dating within days of it, making out in the hallway, parading around holding hands, sitting knee to knee at lunch.  
Dan was an ice-cube to you in public, no hand holding, no kisses, at best you could lean your shoulder against his when he was outside smoking.

Really it was the smell of smoke and increasing bruising creeping higher up your collar that started to clue people in as to the real reason you weren’t eating with them anymore.

After your friends found out there were a few attempts made to include him in the group, people trying to join the two of you outside on the stairs, after enough snarky comments at their and your expense from him, even more attempts were made to simply get you to stay away from him.

It wasn’t like there was anything new that they were saying that you hadn’t thought of a million times already. He was mean, he was rude, he was a total dick but…

But he would put his large hand on your head and rub the back of your neck not saying anything while you vented about all the dumbest shit that was bothering you. He wouldn’t flinch or shy away or offer to ‘fix anything’ when you talked about wanting to peel off your own skin, jab a pencil through your throat, or jump off a building.

You would go to his place every weekend when he wasn’t working and that was where you’d see the real him, both sweet and scary. Where he would casually touch you, and hold you, and fill you with all those hugs and kisses and contact that you were starving for during the weekdays.  
Where the two of you would study, and laugh, and get high. 

Where he would ask “Is it okay?” and then bite welts into your skin, raking short nails across your back until you bled, broke you down into tears and then gathered you back up again feeling fragile and new.

You were glad for the colder weather, as the fall turned quickly to winter, covering up your neck and body. Not wanting to explain the bruises and bites.

“Danny wants to kill me and I want to let him” Wasn’t exactly a conversation you wanted to have with anyone. 

How exactly could you explain that your life was safer in his hands than in your own?


	5. You let me violate you (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: There is 100% consent to all acts being done here and it is mentioned in the story but they are doing "Forced play" so while not "Dub-con" at all it does act out at times like mildly dubious consent.

/Murder Suicide/  
It was all you texted to him but it was all he needed to know exactly what you were on about.  
/Dad railing on you again?/  
/Mom and Dad. I stg they do this on purpose just so they have a reason to scream at me/  
/Aww bby/  
/I mean there’s a big fat silver lining to this but I’m still fucking pissed. Can I come over 2nite?/  
/idk work in the morning/  
/giv u a bj?/  
/not falling for that again ur a cocktease./

You giggled at that since it was true, the furthest either of you had gotten were tops off and hands down one another’s pants and even then it wasn’t to completion only mutual frustration. You were just really scared but not quite sure of what.  
The intimacy? Being a slut? That he’d hurt you? That he’d talk to other people about the things you’d done?  
It was stupid since you knew he’d done more with other girls and you knew lots of people who had been having sex for years already, but you were just scared. STD’s, Pregnancy, Your parents finding out, People treating you different, Him treating you different. 

That part of you that screamed to be let go wanted to, not just wanted to suck his dick or have sex but even wanted rough, painful, degrading sex. But also parts of you wanted something sweet and sensual and romantic, and you were scared he wouldn’t want that or that he would ONLY want that and shy away from the darker things you wanted to do. (Although you knew that part was ridiculous considering how much you would let him hurt you already and how much he seemed to enjoy it too)

/fine no bj, just cuddles./  
/Selling It; things you are not doing right now/  
/if u let me come over you can MAKE ME give u a bj/

The three little dots sat at the bottom of your messenger screen for a long time, long enough that you deleted the chain of conversation, increasingly paranoid these days about your parents going through your phone. You kept some of the sweeter sillier texts, things that if your Dad forced you to unlock your phone as he on occasion did, he could skim through the texts and discover nothing more nor less than the carefully fabricated “good girl” persona you always presented to them. Even if you had a slightly secret boyfriend all the texts were about homework and study, nothing about how you would sneak out to spend nights at his place, or about the kinks the two of you wanted to explore.

Or about how much the two of you would talk about death.

/Is that really okay?/  
It always made your heart clench a little, that he would make a point to always confirm that you wanted what he was offering, no judgement from either of you, just confirmation of desires no matter how sick or weird they might seem.  
/Yeah./  
/U want me to pick u up?/  
/Plz/  
/Kk/

It was going through the motions the rest of the night, smile through dinner, sit through some TV, yawn and ‘oh look at the time’ and read until your mom poked her head into your room to say goodnight.

You listened until things went quiet, texted Danny and then popped out the window and down the street where he’d gotten used to dropping you off and picking you up.

“Eyyy baby~ how much?” He catcalled out his window as he rolled up.  
“More than you can afford.”  
“You say that,” He teased as you got in the car “But I know you wanna gob all over my fat knob.”  
You laughed, not minding when he reached over to give a lock of your hair a sharp tug while he muttered “Slut” in an endearing tone.

“So what’s got your panties in a wad tonight? Or is this all just a preamble to suck dick because I am cool either way.”

“Ughhh” You groaned dredging up the anger you had from when you’d gotten home from school and the fight began.  
“So Christmas holidays are coming up and Mom was all “Oh better get extra hours at work because you know University is coming up soon and you gotta pay for that” because they’re not gonna help me pay for it at all, so I did get extra work and even signed up for an SAT prep class on top of that so it’s not like I’m gonna be just fucking around the whole goddamn vacation but then today I get home and Dad is standing RIGHT NEXT TO my work schedule and is all “We’re going to visit your Grandma basically the ENTIRE VACATION. What’s your schedule like? You’re free right?” and I’m all like “Uhhh no? I work like every day except Christmas Day itself” then he gets all pissy at me like how much of a fucking disappointment I’m going to be if I don’t come but I’m like “I can’t take that much time off after agreeing to it, not around Christmas, I’ll get fired” and then he’s all “If you fucking lose your job you can fucking find somewhere else to freeload because I won’t have you in my house.” Like what the FUCK? What does he WANT from me?”

Dan didn’t say anything but sighed and reached over to massage the back of your head helping you calm down.

Breathing deep and letting out a huff of air you felt the frustration seep out of you, calm and collected by the time you pulled up in front of his place, ready to switch over to the good point of the whole mess.

“Upside though? I don’t have to go with them to my Grandma’s so I’m gonna be home alone from the 23rd all the way to the 2nd.” 

Dan looked over with an approving quirk of his lips and a little thoughtful headnod letting you into his space, closing the door and locking it behind him.  
“Is that suggesting something?” He teased helping you pull off your jacket.  
You put your arms around his neck, body pressed flush against his, standing on your toes so that you were perfectly tucked under his chin while he slid his hands just under your shirt, resting them on your hip tugging you to sway with him.  
“Maybe it’s suggesting I can spend some time over here~ Or that you can come see my place a little, we could have a little Christmas together.”  
“Mmm that could be something.” He muttered softly into your hair. “I… I can bring my work schedule to school on Monday, we can plan something then if you want?”  
“Mmm that could be something~” You mumbled back at him parroting his own words back at him in a smilier soft tone.

He danced you sweetly into the room letting you nip at his neck while he ran his hands higher up your sides and gently over some of the rough scabs where he’d marked you before. Pulling back he tugged off your t-shirt, dipping down to give you a soft kiss once your face was free. 

“Does someone want to be a good girl tonight?”  
“Is it okay if we fight?”  
“You want me to /make you/ suck my dick?”  
“Yeah.”  
Gently he kissed you again, hands caressing your cheeks before one rested on your shoulder, the other tangled in your hair “Is this okay?”  
“Face too, but no marks, just a little.”  
“Okay.”

You gave a little squeal as he yanked your head back sharply, grabbing at his wrist and bracing your legs while he tried to push you down to your knees. 

Ears ringing you let out a soft moan when he slapped you pretty hard across the face twice.  
“Fucking slut.” Dan growled the hand that had struck you now around your throat forcing you down. “Open your mouth.”  
He hit you again working two fingers into your mouth, forcing them past your teeth, pressing down on your tongue making you gag slightly. Things were like this with him, permission given and he would jump into it, just as eager as you if not more-so. Still without even needing the command of “suck” you swirled your tongue around his fingers, wanting to pull a reaction out of him as you swallowed around the intruding digits.

“Fucking hungry little thing aren’t you?” He mumbled pulling his fingers away and adding a third letting you go to bob your head showing him what you could do to his cock if he would give it to you. Moaning, sucking harder on them, running your tongue along between them, you allowed your eyes to close making a little noise of disappointment when he grabbed your hair to stop the motions pulling his fingers away.

“Dirty whore. Pretending to be such a good girl but look at you. Just aching for me to fuck that slutty mouth of yours.”

Your mouth was still hanging open and he was right, you did want this, it was a sick thrill to have him holding you down by your hair, watching him palm himself through his jeans, taking away all the nerves and fear of poor performance or expectations he might have by giving him all the control and letting him give you just what you wanted.

“Fuck.” You let out a little whisper as he unzipped himself, pulling out his dick, stroking it. 

You’d touched him before, hesitant exploring hands down his boxers in the dark, feeling the size of him, but it looked bigger up close than you imagined and you felt a wet clench between your legs wanting to suck it, wanting him inside you one way or another.

Still you also wanted, maybe even needed, to play your game, snapping your mouth shut you pulled back, struggling while he snapped your head side to side with his fistful of your hair, forcing your mouth open pushing himself inside giving you a little warning “Teeth” making you relax your jaw not wanting to hurt him.

You gagged on his size, but he settled both hands into your hair and refused to let go of you, groaning as he gently thrust in and out, testing your limits, fucking you deeper with each roll of his hips.  
Loosening his grip as you reached up, hands moving to stroke at what parts of his shaft you just physically couldn’t fit into your mouth you moaned tasting the salt of his pre-cum, how smooth and hot he felt. Pulling back you wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock, sucking harder, tongue playing over the slit and pressing hard, toying with the underside of his head. Doing things you had read about in smutty novels and dirty magazines and whispered in locker rooms. 

“Fuck, such a good girl, such a fucking good slut, relax for me, relax.”  
Pulling at your hair again he tipped your head to the angle he wanted and thrust forward, pushing deeper into you until he was hitting far beyond what was comfortable but kept fucking your face, ignoring your choked gurgles.

Bracing your hands on his hips, trying to control his thrusts just a little without stopping him, you could feel the drool dripping down your chin unable to properly swallow and breath and take Dan’s cock at the same time, so you picked the two most important and focused on breathing in the small spaces you could. Moaning you looked up at him catching his eyes as he was staring down at you, watching himself fuck your mouth.

Locking eyes his mouth fell open with a stream of curses, insults, and praise. You were his good girl, his slut, his whore.

His.

Pulling you close enough to block your airway he broke eye contact, his body tipping forward he gave you no warning other than a heady moan he came down your throat. Not able to quite take it you slapped hard at his thigh making him let you go, allowing you to fall back coughing up spit and cum glad that he had hardwood floors or he’d be getting stains on the carpet.

Putting his hand gently on your head, a way of apology without saying anything since after all, you had asked for this, he gently straightened your hair while you both caught your breath before turning away, tucking his dick back into his pants and grabbing you a washcloth and a bottle of water. 

Helping you back up to your feet he pressed kisses to your forehead, cheeks, and lightly on the mouth, leaning his head against yours “You okay?”

“Ye-ah” Your voice cracked, raspy and a little rough from the hard treatment, but still satisfied with it.  
“Good, I’m not done yet though. Is that okay?”

You felt a little hesitant, jaw sore and in need of a bit of a cuddle feeling just a little used but in a strangely good way. But still open to continue something softer.

“Soft?”  
“Mmn maybe-ish?”  
“Okay.” 

One final gentle kiss and then a shove, pushing you back to fall onto his mattress. Kneeling between your legs he pulled off your sweatpants and underwear in one swift motion, not giving you the chance to question or struggle. Face red you grabbed his hair, not sure if you wanted to pull him closer or shove him away, but he growled at you, “C’mon baby I can see how fucking wet you are.”

It was true, your panties had been soaked clean through and while you could have suffered through your frustration, it wouldn’t have been the first time, if he was offering you weren’t going to fight it. Relaxing you let him pull you closer by your hips, pulling your hips up to his mouth Dan licked a broad, flat stroke up your sex, gasping your fingers tightening in the curls of his hair making him groan. His mouth was hot and eager, engulfing your inner folds with his lips, sucking and nibbling, his strong tongue prodding your slit lapping at your juices, humming while he sucked and swallowed wetly, moaning like you were the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted. 

One hand in his hair your other flew to your mouth, trying to stifle your own moans that were increasing in volume. Dan’s head popped up, seeing what you were doing and with a sharp “Hey” grabbed at your arm pulling your hand down, lacing your fingers with his.  
“I wanna hear everything.”  
“Fuck what about your landlord?” Dan was just renting the basement, the owner living upstairs somewhere.  
“Let the fucker wack off to it, I don’t care.”

Returning, maybe in punishment he went slower, taking his time drawing the nub of your clit between his lips, adding slow pressure with his tongue, humming as you fought his grip on your hips and tried to rocked your pelvis into his face, feeling yourself rising closer and closer to your release, biting your lips and tongue to try and stay as quiet as you could and failing as he teased.

“Oh, fuck, Danny oh sweet fuck,” Begging any words leaving your mouth deteriorated nonsense while you balanced on the edge, straining to climax as he slowed and slowed holding you back from it until you were shaking. 

With teeth, nails digging into your hips, and a hard, humming suck he shoved you crying into release, limbs shaking and trembling as he kept pushing you through waves of pleasure, refusing to let you go until you were pleading for him to stop.

Limp, gasping, and in a little pain from a sudden stitch in your side you made grabby hands at him while he sat up, taking a swing of your water, lazily smirking at you while you laid there. 

“You okay?”  
He giggled when you responded with a strange strangled affirmative, rolling his eyes as you kept trying to pull him down into your embrace.

“We should brush our teeth, I’m gonna have pussy breath in the morning.”  
“Don’t care.”  
“You gonna sleep naked then?”  
“Don’t care.”  
“Think the landlord heard you?” He was now intentionally teasing finally settling down with you, pulling the covers over the two of you and giving into your sleepy cuddles.

“Don’t care.”

Body aching, pulled apart, cradled in his arms you cared about nothing else but the sound of his heartbeat and the taste of him lingering on your tongue.

You’d suffer through jizz breath for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to go edit tags and notch this shit up into "Explicit" cus yeah.
> 
> YEAH GAIZ.
> 
> ENJOY.
> 
> Also I genuinely feel like I am scaling BACK how horrible I could be with this.  
> SHOULD I GO DARKER OR DOES THIS FEEL ABOUT GOOD TO Y'ALL?


	6. You let me complicate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but the next one is long to make up for it.

“I’m gonna buy you mistletoe panties for Christmas.” Dan whispered in your ear leaning in closer than usual while you got your books, getting ready for the holidays. “So I can give you all /sorts/ of kisses~”

He grinned when you looked up at him with a blush, your own eyes flicking around making sure no one else was close enough to hear what he’d said.

“Dirty bird~” You sniped back with a click of your tongue. He pursed his lips in a little air kiss, the most expressive he ever got outside of his apartment before leaning back, his smile dropped back into the cool face of uncaring neutrality when two of your friends came up, giving him a look of thinly veiled contempt but other than that ignoring him to talk to you.

“So I heard you’ll be home alone this Christmas!” Glen started his voice that level of chipper that you already knew what was coming.  
“No.”  
“No you’re not going to be alone or just no to whatever we were going to ask.”  
“No to whatever you were going to ask. Glen you’re a nice guy but Meg, I know you.” You wagged a finger at her. “I will not be having any kind of party at my house while my parents are gone. I am too goddamn busy.”  
“Yeah, you’ve been busy a lot lately.” Meg snarked pointedly looking at Dan who just gave her a bland stare back.  
“Yeah unlike some people-” You casually didn’t remark on how Meg’s parent’s were rich enough to have bought her a car and were going to pay her way through school. “I have a job and my parents are already threatening to make me pay rent. If my neighbours even hint that the lights were on past 10 my Dad’ll kick the shit out of me. It’s not happening.”

“Oh come on you know we’re not that bad, your Mom let you have that party over Halloween.”  
“And did you hear about what we did at it?”

Meg hadn’t gone to the Halloween party but it was a joke as far as “party’s” went. Inviting over only your quietest, best behaved friends, you’d all played D&D and ended the night chatting in the living room, no less than two of your artsy friends knitting while handing out candy to kids until midnight.  
Sure you’d all had a good time since that was the type of group it was, but that didn’t mean the slightly more popular kids like Meg hadn’t made fun of all of you making you feel like shit for having fun in your own way somewhat ruining the memory of it and probably killing any chances of you wanting to host such an event again.

“Yeah well maybe this one will get a better crowd of people. C’mon it won’t be big almost everyone is going away for the holidays it’ll just be a couple of Glen’s friends who are on the hockey team, and most of them are single~”

You looked over at Dan seeing a slightly amused look on his face but his jaw was also clenched. Clearly mad that she was implying that you were available to meet other people especially directly in front of him. Sure there was no official name on what you were doing with him but there really didn’t need to be at this point.  
Like it or not he was to all fact and appearance your boyfriend, and was obviously miffed he wasn’t getting treated like one.

“I said no, look I’m sorry but I’m not joking when I say I work every day over the holidays. Even if I wanted to I just do not have the time.”

It was soft but clearly meant to be heard  
“God you are such an uptight cunt.” 

You weren’t sure what had made you flinch more, that Glen had called you that or how fast Dan’s hand went around his throat slamming him into a locker. 

“The fuck did you just say?”

None of your friends were fighters, neither was Dan for the most part, but his jacket often made him look slightly bigger than he was, his height alone menacing in it’s own right.  
There weren’t that many people in the hallway but everyone froze at the bang of Glen hitting the lockers, looking over, hoping to see a fight.

“What the HELL!” Meg yelled at him, trying to pull him off but he shoved her blindly, not caring that she fell, adding pressure to Glen’s neck.

“You wanna say that again motherfucker, I don’t think I heard you.”  
“Sorry!” Glen wheezed “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry!”

“Danny it’s okay. Let him go.”

Dan broke eye contact with Glen to look at you, then back at him, thinking, wanting things, knowing he couldn’t get them.

Pulling back he slammed Glen back against the locker’s one more time to assert his dominance before releasing him. Stepping back staring down everyone in the hall, daring them to say anything.

Closing your locker quickly you looked at Glen and Meg, a part of you wanting to apologize, a part of you righteously mad at Glen for being such a dick wanting to yell at them.

“C’mon.”

The part of you flattered by Dan’s actions, soaring like a kite snapped to attention and without a single look back you scampered after him.

It was the first time he held you hand in public.  
His grip was tight and shaking.


	7. (nsfw) You let me penetrate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gonna have to adjust the tags for this story again. ;P

Dan was lucky that you were friends with Meg and Glen, well ‘were’ now in more of the past tense of the word. 

Meg had called you that night, threatening to get Dan arrested but you’d talked her down, yelling back that had Dan not done that you would have probably slammed Glen’s head into the lockers yourself for insulting you like that. It was a bitter fight bringing up a lot of things you knew about Meg that she wouldn’t want publicly known, blackmailing her into keeping her mouth shut and to convince Glen to do the same. 

He might still get in trouble at school when everyone came back from holidays, that was something that would be out of your hands if some other student mentioned it. But while it ate at you it was something that you couldn’t do anything about and was entirely up to Dan to deal with.

As much as you worried for the both of you Dan totally didn’t care, an entirely new relaxed side of him coming out now that you were on holiday and could freely spend time with him. With a copy of your working schedule he’d show up to pick you up after work and you spent more nights at his place than at your own, even ending with a little space of clothing and toiletries domestically cozied up next to his things.  
Every day felt crisp waking up next to him, curled up with him watching him play video games on his little sofa, helping him when he cooked. Play was soft and sweet, your desire to be hurt fading much to your surprise since usually it was around Christmas that you would make a suicide attempt or add to the scarring along your hips and legs, but this year the only thing you were planning was a tiny dollar store tree and a few gifts for Dan. 

The major downside of the holiday was that you were both working so the time you had to plan or shop or anything was exhaustingly limited. 

 

“Ho ho—“ Dan slammed his door shut right in your face as you’d shown up pretty early (for him) on Christmas morning. You worked the night before and knew your parents would call in the morning to get you to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and watch the rest of the family open presents on Skype, but once it was done you were awake and felt enough in the mood to go spread a little cheer to your personal grinch.

“Noooo let me in I have presents!” Banging on the door you whined until he opened it back up again letting you inside but pulling the Santa Hat off your head and throwing it out the door before he shut it behind you. “Morning to you too grumpy bunny.”

“Too fucking early for this bullshit what the fuck is wrong with you, you chipper asshole.” He snarled but there was no real venom behind it as he shuffled back to his mattress dropping back into it face first. 

“Rough night?”  
“Some fucker called out sick so they made me stay on, didn’t get home till four.” He grumbled directly into the pillow.  
“Aww Baby.” It was a light teasing, followed by you crawling onto his back pressing kisses over his shoulder blades. “But you don’t work tonight right?”

He made a grunt of confirmation shifting to get you off of his back so he could grab hold of you and use you as a body pillow.  
Giving his neck little kisses he grabbed your hair and pulled it roughly to stop you.  
“Unless you’re gonna blow me knock it off.” He grumbled but then added “And even then I’m too fucking tired. Lemmi sleep jus… three more hours.”  
“Okay, okay.”

There were certainly no complaints you could make, laying there doing nothing. Napping the day away wasn’t unfamiliar to you as life tended to leave you perpetually exhausted.  
Although wrapped up in Dan’s arms, even if he did stink a little bit like a deep fryer, you felt like your energy returned twice as fast, each light doze feeling like an hours long deep sleep.

It wasn’t like you had anything to do that day so as time passed from morning to noon you didn’t care to make Dan get up until he was well and ready to do so himself, something even he seemed to be avoiding simply because he was comfortable wrapped up around you.

But grumbling stomachs could only be ignored for so long so up he was dragged by the call of the eggs in his fridge.

“You want some?”  
“Is it the good bread?”  
“Chh- Of course, couldn’t pay me to eat the cheap shit.”  
“Yes please then.”

For as skinny as he was Dan liked food, but then maybe that’s why he was skinny. Particular about what he ate and when he ate leaving him for the most part the type to just cook at home and yet rarely had time for it so more often he seemed to simply skip meals. Sometimes you wondered if he had an eating disorder, sometimes you wondered if the low blood sugar was why he was so grumpy all the time.  
But he was an excellent cook.

Sometimes it was moments like this, with the both of you sitting at his small table, his long legs tangled all up in your space, that you felt like you could imagine a future.  
A long foreign concept to you.  
A place where it would be the two of you, working hard, going to college, getting a house, maybe a dog…  
Maybe a child?  
Could he be a stay at home Dad? Would that softness he sometimes was able to show you expand to someone that he helped create? Did he want that? Did you?

“What?” His sudden question snapped you out of your daydream realizing that you’d been spacing out while staring directly at him.  
“Sorry, just… Thinking.”  
He gave you a slightly quizzical look, his leg moving to rub yours under the table. “About what?”  
“Nothing important. Just… I dunno, have you ever wanted kids?”

His eyes opened wide in surprise and he “Uhhh”ed in shock for a partially uncomfortable amount of time before he just got up to wash your plates.  
“Take that as a ‘no’” You sighed after him not really offended, you were still somewhat on the fence, after all it wasn’t a ‘right now’ kind of dream just a ‘maybe someday’

It was quiet enough that you could hear him mutter “I never said no…” spurning you to get up to join him at the sink, drying the dishes for him.  
“That’s kind of a sudden question Babe, I don’t know, I don’t really think of my future very much and—“ He looked up, chewing on the inside of his mouth. “I kinda had a weird home life? So I’m not sure if I’ll ever really be kid friendly?”

Nodding you sort of understood. He never talked about his parents or family, getting extremely defensive when they came up but you knew whatever he went through must have been bad and particular considering some of his quirks.**((see notes))  
“Why? Do you?”

You thought about it, talking out what was in your head. “Never really thought about it that much, I mean a few months ago I didn’t expect to make it to Christmas and I still have trouble imagining anything past graduating except maybe… Maybe being able to get out of the house and go to college but after that? I don’t know. When I think about it now I think I’d probably get post-partum really bad and I wouldn’t want to put a kid through that.”

Dan nodded handing you the last fork and draining the sink, breaking the serious mood by flicking water at you resulting in the need for vengeance in the form of a sharply flicked towel.

“Well then, now that you’ve interrupted my ENTIRE day and have mooched off of my breakfast like the leech you are.” He announced sitting himself on the sofa. “Gimmie presents.”  
“Dick.” You snarked going to your bag left by the door. “Can I get my santa hat back?”  
“NO! You already got that stupid tree in here.”  
And you had, whined and begged and blown him to get him to agree to your tiny dollar store tree.  
He was such a grump.

“Well here you are Scrooge.”  
You gave him three wrapped gifts, handing them to him in the order you wanted him to open them.

The first was guitar strings and picks. He played a base, sort of, you on occasion could hear him play from outside before knocking on his door. He was shy about it just like he was with his voice and singing, and just as with his singing he was actually a lot better at it than he thought. But his lack of confidence would be shown as cool indifference and a disdain towards performing so you could see a small conflict of being happy and being disgruntled.

Hence the push that he open the second gift.

A silver pendent seashell that was cut in half on a chain. It would look good with his leather jacket and black shirts but was on a chain long enough he could tuck it away and no one would know he had it if he wanted to.

He might have been demanding of gifts but how he shifted a little closer and gave the softest muttered “It’s nice… Thanks.” that he was uncomfortable with the fact that you’d put thought into getting him things he’d actually like.

“I um—“ He hesitated, putting on the necklace and fiddling with the box of strings, getting up to put them away.  
“It’s okay if you didn’t get me anything, I mean I didn’t really tell you I was going to get you something either.”  
“No… I did get you something I just-“ He huffed going into the bathroom and coming back out, gently underhand tossing your gift at you with a grumbled “It’s stupid I know.”

No wrapping, no box, no presentation. Plain and simple.

It was a small strip of dark brown leather, no thicker than the width of your finger, delicately embellished bronze flowers with lapis lazuli centres decorated around the outside of the collar, a small chain of three tiny silver mirrors marking the front like teardrops.

“It’s beautiful.”

He looked away shifting from foot to foot until you asked him to put it on you, unable to work the buckles behind your head. 

It was loose and light enough to not bother you but tight and heavy enough that there was no way you’d ever forget you were wearing it. 

“I see you have a third present for me though…” Dan teased a little, his hands still resting around your throat, making you move your head so he could nip around the collar.  
“I… Yeah I think this is a good time for it too.”

He opened the wrapping and without even really looking at the box opened the top and sounded a little stupid at first with-  
“Why would you buy me condohhhhh!” Realization came quick and he looked down at you with a lust filled smirk. “You dirty slut.”  
“Dirty SMART slut.”  
“I will give you that, better safe than sorry. But I had condoms already.”  
“Who’s the slut now?”  
“I dunno…” Dan moved around the sofa, standing in front of you so you were eye-level with his growing erection apparent through his sweatpants. Taking a fistful of your hair he pulled your head back to look up at him, “Who’s the slut?”  
“Me.” You sighed feeling yourself get instantly wet wanting just what you knew he was offering. After all, you had offered it first.

“Good girl.” Letting go of your hair he gently tucked a strand behind your ear, kneeling down to the floor so he was at a level to tug you close by your new collar and give you a kiss, soft and sweet, deepening quickly to one that was hot and possessive. 

Pushing you to lean back and pulling your hips forward Dan bit at your neck, his hands working to pull off your jeans, laughing when he saw your underwear.  
Cute, white, covered in a mistletoe pattern. (Well really it was holly but who could tell?)

You remembered his teasing from weeks ago and the idea had kind of stuck with you.

“Well, it’s bad luck to ignore mistletoe isn’t it?” He joked pulling your legs over his shoulders kissing up your thighs. 

Even with the panties gone he didn’t stop his ‘kisses’ working his way three fingers deep into you the stretch of them was almost too much to take, dancing you to that edge and yet making you want more.

“Please, please Danny.” Sweetly you pulled at his hair, moaning with him, making a distressed sound when he pulled back, staring at you while you squirmed, not just from his fingers but also from his eyes, fighting back embarrassment, feeling even hotter because of it.

“Sit up, take off your shirt.”  
You were quick to obey, seeing the pleased half smile on his face.  
“And your bra, and get on the bed.”  
That order was a little slower, waiting until he pulled his fingers out, watching, core clenching while he put them in his mouth to suck them clean, not moving until he looked at you, quirking en eyebrow as if to ask what you were waiting for.

Sitting on your knees on the bed wearing nothing but the collar, you watched him strip down, a little fascinated while he rolled on a condom before crawling over the mattress, joining you.

“Do you really want this?” He asked, kneeling, his eyes raw and questioning and a little vulnerable in a way you rarely got to see.  
“Yes, I want this. I want you.”  
Dan cupped your cheek, his fingers running gently through your hair not pulling, just soft, sweet

scared.

It was an awkward sort of dance of limbs, the dark dominant confidence he usually had faded into uncertain gentleness. A few fruitless thrusts and he backed away from where he’d been sucking at your neck to guide himself into you, watching with an unguarded look of slight amazement, like he was shocked on some level that he’d be doing this.

He was much bigger than three fingers, an entirely new and uncomfortable sensation of something too big being forced into something far too small. It felt like a weird internal ‘pop’ as he firmly pushed, the head of his cock entering you. Dan froze as you made a distressed noise, licking his lips nervously, running his hands soothingly up and down your legs and hips.

“Relax baby-girl, you’re so fucking tight.” He cooed stopping his movements while you covered your mouth, biting at your fingers to muffle moans that were not really pleasurable. “Do you want to stop?”

“Nnn” You shook your head, not wanting to back down but just really, really needing a moment. “Please… Please just don’t— Don’t move.”

Deep breaths, counting to ten, clenching and then relaxing your muscles (making Dan squirm when you did) when he slowly started rolling his thumb over your clit you were relaxed enough to keep going, still achingly slow, gentle thrusts, each one a little deeper than the one before, Dan’s breath’s coming out in stilted little pants by the time he was fully sheathed in you as deep as he could possibly go. 

Pulling him down for kisses, holding him there in you, still pulsing around him, trying to adjust to his size, the stretch, the ache of him, you finally adjusted your hips, grabbing fistfuls of his hair with a chant of “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Gently still Dan moved, shallow thrusts, burying his face in your neck, clinging to you with panting moans as his hips jerked forward, once, twice… It certainly didn’t take much before you gave an experimental internal squeeze and his breath caught, pressing forward with a broken “Fuck” you could feel him pulse inside you. 

He froze then, not moving, catching his breath, just holding there while you could feel his dick getting softer. A light wriggle and it slid out of you leaving you feeling sore and oddly empty.

You weren’t exactly upset that he’d been rather… fast. It had been uncomfortable more than anything else and it was his first time. Clearly he had a different opinion of the matter since he pushed himself up and marched into the bathroom without a word, shutting the door with a firmness that wasn’t “Angry” but certainly wasn’t happy either. 

Staring at the roof you tried not to think too much, all the excitement and daydreams of what you wanted this to be like turning to ash in your mouth.  
You hadn’t started crying but you were certainly on your way there when Dan popped back out of the bathroom somewhat unexpectedly, his face worried.  
“Are you okay? There was…Blood.”

Reaching between your legs you touched the aching wetness and looked at your fingers stained a fresh red. It wasn’t the first time he’d made you bleed, just the first time he hadn’t done so intentionally. 

“Shit. C’mere, get up, get up.” Coming back to hustle you to your feet you didn’t even feel mad at the fact that he probably just didn’t want you to bleed on his sheets, just a detached apathy where you knew you should be mad and yet weren’t. Guiding you to the bathroom he turned on the shower and pulled you in with him. 

Dan didn’t often apologize with words. They were hard for him, falling from his mouth bitter and sarcastic even when he meant it. 

He washed your hair. /I didn’t mean to/  
Massaged your shoulders and scrubbed your back. /Please be okay?/  
Wrapped a towel around you and held you close, pressing his lips to your head. /Forgive me/

The numbness in your melted leaving the glowing ember in your chest that he could always kindle there. Tugging him down you pressed a soft kiss to his lips and a gentle, “It’s okay.”

“Thank you.” 

/I’m sorry/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **((This is all in the I Burgie Burgie universe so essentially Dan has violent triggers towards fast food, hamburgers, hamburger meat, potatoes, hot dogs, and pretty much all condiments. The “Arin and Suzy” characters are his mom and dad and while not directly abusive growing up in a deranged sit-com is 70% of the reason he’s kind of a fucked up dick.))
> 
> ((insert a side scene here I don’t want to write where reader finds out about his condiments problem when she has a ketchup packet in her bag and tries to put it on some eggs he made her and he grabs her by the hair and throws her out of his house. And then awkwardly explains to her the next day that he has ‘issues’ with certain foods and gives her a list, which then she is like “Is that why you never go into the cafeteria?” and he’s all “Yuuuup” and then without talking about it she just brings him some fruit whenever she goes out to sit with him.))


	8. (NSFW) Help me, I broke apart my insides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abuse warning. This is not healthy, this is not good, this could kill a person or do serious damage.

“Kill me”  
“Hey, hey what’s wrong wha-“ You pushed your way into his apartment dropping your bag turning on him, eyes red, so far past tears already.  
“Kill me, I want you to kill me, I want to die just fucking kill me. You said you would.”

Things had been going so well for so long, of course the crash would be twice as bad.  
After Christmas you and Dan had tried to have sex again, the second shot going much better for the both of you and as your body adjusted to him you had brought up bringing rougher play into it on occasion which he was all for. 

Then your parents came home early and found out you had a boyfriend.

Even that wasn’t so bad, the neighbours had casually mentioned they’d seen a strange man picking you up and dropping you off a few times while they were away, the appearance of the collar when you weren’t much of a jewelry wearer, and your Dad immediately demanding access to your cellphone confirmed all their suspicions (thank god for your paranoia and dumping texts almost as soon as you were done reading them) it was awkward to have that conversation that yeah there was a boy that yeah maybe you were hanging out with a lot more and yeah he gave you the necklace but NO that wasn’t why you stayed you really had been working the whole time and even pulled some overtime too.

Things weren’t even bad when they’d insisted on meeting him, you had enjoyed “convincing” him to come and knew that the payment for him being on your very carefully instructed best behaviour wouldn’t be anything that you wouldn’t have offered him for the asking anyway. And other than being deeply uncomfortable he’d kept his head down and “Yes sir, no sir”ed his way through dinner.  
No it wasn’t any of those things, you’d cruised for a good couple of months being able to openly go and spend time with Dan without always having to sneak out to do so.

It was so dumb, so dumb, so dumb and you hated everything.

Dan grabbed your shoulders, slamming you hard enough against the wall your head cracked and teeth rattled.  
“You wanna die?” He sounded rough.  
“Yes.”  
“You want this?” His hands were around your throat, squeezing, pulling you up to your toes, his face so close his nose was almost touching yours.  
It was hard to say, air already being short but you used the last to sigh “Yes.”

Your breath stopped as Dan squeezed, his eyes drilling into you as you started to gasp at the pressure building in your head, ears ringing, everything fading out to black.

Waking in his bed your body one pulsing throb, neck hurting a little when you turned to look at him picking up your bag from where you threw it to put it on the chair by the table where he usually put it, especially when he was upset things had to go in their place.

“Wha-“ Dan looked at you when you spoke, your voice cracking, throat sore. 

He held up a hand, his wrist showing a line of deep scratch marks still bleeding, “You fought back.”

He told you long ago that as long as you wanted to live he wouldn’t kill you, but when you were really ready he would be willing to help…  
Looking away you curled onto your side letting yourself cry because you were still there and so was the pain, and you HAD wanted it, because you couldn’t do this anymore, you hated everything right now.

Even him.

“Here.” Dan had waited until you’d stopped crying, until you were laying there quietly, listening to the light domestic sounds of him moving around the kitchen. You could smell that he was baking brownies, probably started it before you’d even arrived and was now cleaning up after himself. Not the type to let a mess sit around in general, less so when agitated like you were clearly making him, he cleaned as he waited for things to cook and then once cool would finish cleaning with everything put into the places he needed them to be.

Sitting up you took the cup of tea he’d made for you, with a small sliver of a still hot brownie.

“Thanks.” You croaked not feeling better but feeling hollowed out now that you’d cried again. Cried properly this time instead of angry escaped tears you’d had to hide from before.

He sat next to you eating his own treat, waiting for you to talk if you wanted to.  
“It was Dad again.”  
“Mm?”  
“Made some comment about you being a f— A homosexual and then got mad when I back talked him, threatened me if I got pregnant, was telling me to stop seeing you…”  
“I thought you said your parents liked me?”  
“Mom does, Dad doesn’t fucking like anyone. I think he was just glad I wasn’t a lesbian at first and now he’s just pissed off that he’s losing control of my life. I don’t fucking know he was picking at me all day about my weight and grades and how he thinks I should move out already since I’m already clearly whoring it up and when he brought you up I kinda snapped which made him madder so I bailed and when I was walking here I— I’m just so fucking tired of it all.”  
“Still want to die?”  
“Yeah.”  
You were a little surprised he didn’t put his hand on your neck like he usually did, no comforting massage at your distress. Instead he muttered for you to ‘eat your brownie’ and got up to wash and put away his own plate.

Eating the brownie and drinking the tea you sank lower into the dark pit of your mind, you’d never felt this alone around Dan before. 

Getting up, feeling a small wave of softness come over and realizing the brownie had been one of Dan’s special ones, you went into the bathroom. Dan’s basement flat was small, not enough room for any kind of proper dresser and not like he had people come over but he didn’t like the idea of people being able to see his stuff out in the open so he kept most of his clothing in the bathroom. Grabbing one of his belts you shuffled back to where he had started playing a video game on the sofa and dropped it in his lap.  
He jumped at the impact but didn’t even look at you as he just moved it next to him with a grumbled “Not right now, I’m not in the mood.”

Your skin went ice cold, frozen standing there, the buildup of pain already in your chest taking jagged edges that cut past the slight fuzz of the drugs now in your system.

“Jesus christ stop being such a fucking bitch just sit down or something you’re killing my buzz.”

Bitch, you were being a bitch, an over emotional useless unwanted annoying bitch.  
Dan looked up when you made a soft noise, letting the controller fall from his hand as he huffed in frustration. “What are you gonna fucking cry now? What is your problem? I mean seriously this? This is what you want?”

He got up, taking the belt in hand but now you didn’t want it anymore, didn’t want him angry. With a small shriek as he struck you across one of your legs you backed away from him, cowering now as he drove you over to the table. Even though you tried to dodge it his longer reach grabbed you by the hair, twisting you around to push you face down against the table. 

The first strike hit you across the back snapping into your rib in a way that felt more wrong than right but the pain knocked the breath out of you. This wasn’t any usual session, it wasn’t him pulling your inner psychological hurts out into physical ones. This was just him.  
Hurting you.

As the blows moved across the backs of your legs and ass you braced yourself and took them, this was your fault, this was all your fault, asking for this, pushing him, being such a pathetic, useless, sack of shit that even he was tired of it.  
Even Dan hated you now.

“No…” You choked out, not wanting him to hate you, not wanting to be hurt. “Stop, Danny please stop.” 

Another blow slashed across your back forcing the words out of you louder now “STOP!”

Still another came and you knew he’d heard you.  
Was that how much he hated you now?

“Dan, Danny stop Danny- Danny— LEIGH STOP.”  
You flinched as the belt was thrown against the table clattering into the wall and sliding off the edge, your entire body on fire and shaking. It hurt to breath, it hurt to think, all you felt was pain and fear unable to move.

“I’m sorry.” It wasn’t even him saying it, it was you, with every little gasp of breath that you could take you harshly whispered apologies, making a pained noise and a failed attempt to shy away when he touched your shoulder.  
He caught you before you hit the floor, sliding down off the table, unable to stand, your entire body shaking so bad your teeth were chattering still trying to stutter out apologies.

“Shut up, fucking, shut up, shut up.” 

Sitting on the floor in the kitchen he rocked you until your shaking stopped murmuring praise, about how smart you were, how beautiful, how strong. Things that he’d never said before, that you couldn’t believe were true, and yet here he was saying all this.

Maybe it was a dream, it couldn’t have been real but as you passed out, exhausted somewhere you heard Dan whisper

“You’re not allowed to die. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Leigh" is her safeword with him. He hates the name so much that when she says it play, no matter what, ends.
> 
> His safeword is "Beefy" if he actually says that to her then he is so far beyond any ability to handle play she knows to stop whatever she's doing.
> 
> The only thing here that's even in the realm of healthy is that he gave her aftercare. Kinda.


	9. My whole existence is flawed

You woke up again, pain not letting you rest properly, the cold wet cloth on your back becoming uncomfortable, Dan’s voice pulling you from the exhausted doze you’d fallen into. 

“Yup.”  
“Nope.”  
“I think you heard me.”  
“Nah I don’t think I will.”

He sounded cocky as he spoke on the phone, turning to look at you with a little smirk on his face. 

“Yeah you fuckin do that bud, she’s 18 so good luck.”  
“Uh-huh wow okay buh-bye!” He sounded far too chipper as he hung up his phone and immediately powered it off.

Breathing hurt, talking would probably hurt more, moving hurt. But your inquisitive look must have been enough.

“It was your Dad.”  
fuck  
“I let him know you won’t be coming home tonight.”  
Oh double fuck.  
“Mad?” You whispered.  
“Eh, don’t care, you’re not going back there.”

You weren’t sure if he just meant tonight or ever but the thought warmed you either way.  
“Time?”  
“Uh like two-ish, yo—“ He stopped talking as the loud buzz of your phone going off interrupted him. He rolled his eyes but was smiling in a weird way, like all of this was deeply entertaining to him. 

“Hello~” Dan sounded uncharacteristically chipper as he answered your phone. Wincing you pushed yourself up onto your elbows, pulling the pillow more under your chest to keep you balanced while you listened.   
“No she doesn’t really want to talk to you guys right now… She told me a bit of what happened yeah… Yeah I will… Ma’am… Ma’am I’m not going to start a fight with your husband but he really can fuck right off.”   
Crossing his arms he paced a little while he spoke, ‘yup’ and ‘okay’ing a few more times before he gave a polite “good night” and hung up powering off your phone as well.

“What she say?”  
“Oh some shit about how your Dad is sorry but considering he was still yelling in the background that was bullshit, wanted to make sure you would be going to school on Monday, I mean, she wanted you to come back tonight but yeah…”

Not happening.

Especially considering how you felt now.  
Dan came back over, peeling off the wet cloth he’d put on your back and making a noise which told you it probably looked at bad as it felt.   
“You should try to get your pants off, I didn’t want to while you were um, asleep.” 

Passed out more like.  
But you were glad that he hadn’t tried. Not that it was anything he hadn’t seen but it was just one of those little things he did, setting up and respecting boundaries, that other people never really understood but you loved that he did.

Dan got up to get a fresh cold compress while you struggled to pull off your jeans, your entire body protesting at the movements. You could barely turn enough to see your backside but what you could glance at was a rainbow of angry colours.

“Here.” Ibuprofen and some water, another bite of brownie, all to take the edge off. “Lay down.” Draping cold towels over your back and legs he pulled a sheet over you to keep the rest of you somewhat warm, even though the weather was no longer all that cold you could tell that he’d had the heater running to keep you comfortable since it looked like it was going to be a naked Sunday. 

“Go to sleep baby-girl, we’ll deal with all this in the morning.”

A kind hand running through your hair, soothing everything away until darkness came again and you couldn’t feel any of the pain anymore.

***

Morning came and “Deal with it” apparently was code for “Get so baked you couldn’t feel your face.”

Dan seemed to be holding himself back from getting as high as you were but you were also trying to take the edge off of the pain. Despite his best efforts your back and legs were one massive bruise which looked more like you lost a fight with a pissed off elephant. Deep breaths came with sharp pains and groans of discomfort but nothing seemed particularly swollen or broken, just bruised right down to the muscles making things like walking, sitting, or moving your arms just on the bad side of deeply uncomfortable. 

Despite what Dan had promised you might not go to school the next day, but maybe you’d try, you weren’t sure… Everything that had happened, that was happening, that would happen, was very new territory.

You’d never really stood up for yourself to your parents before. You knew your Dad’s temper and how if you just kept your head down and avoided eye-contact that he’d blow himself out eventually. 

You’d never really done anything against their wishes before. They said jump and you would hop to the best of your ability and disappoint them no matter how high you got.

You’d left home.  
You were disobeying them.  
You might even skip school.

It was a good thing you were so baked out of your mind or these thoughts would have driven you straight into a suicidal panic attack.

And Dan?

Dan was weird the whole day. 

Starting out cuddly, giving you soft, unexpected kisses, then switching to quiet and pensive.   
He’d pace around his small kitchen, flee out the door, then come back with some cream for your bruises.  
Turn on his phone, turn it off, look at your phone, but then not let you look at it. 

Through the haze of your thoughts you knew he was just as confused and a little on edge like you were. 

It still hurt the next day, the desire to skip school was great but you’d sobered enough in your sleep to realize that the last thing you needed was an unexcused absent and detention on top of the issues you were having at home.

“You’re going to school?” Dan had, on occasion, skipped school but now that you thought on it he probably was able to simply sign himself out and didn’t need permission not to show up. “And you’re gonna eat that?”

You’d taken a small piece of brownie, knowing everything was going to hurt today you figured it wouldn’t hurt to start the morning with the edge taken off of how bad you were still feeling. 

The thought of you going through the day baked seemed to tickle him enough that he got up, ready to join you.

The thought that your fight with your parents would have reached your friends didn’t even cross your mind the day before, not thinking that they might have called them in search of you before calling Dan when you decided not to come home.

“Holy shit are you okay? Your mom was freaking out!” Sarah caught you at your locker as soon as you arrived, she’d been somewhat okay around Dan, especially after the majority of your friends gave up on you after Christmas. He hadn’t gotten in trouble with the school for the fight but certainly had marked you as being just as big of an outcast as him even among your small circle.

“It’s fine, had a big fight with Dad and I was just fucking done with it. I was at Dan’s.”  
“Your Mom really wants you to go home.”  
“Yeah well I really want my Dad to fall into the sun so we can’t always get what we want.”  
“Does that mean you’re not going back at all?”

You had been thinking about that for a while, not sure how things were playing out, not really wanting to think about it, would you go back? Probably. Did you want to? Not really. But you’d hold off at least until the end of the week to make the choice. As long as you washed your clothes every few days you had left enough things at Dan’s place already to survive.

The bell saved you from having to answer many more questions and careful avoidance in the halls prevented anyone else from pinning you down, not that many people were, not with how Dan was hovering around you more than usual the whole day. 

The morning had been fine but by lunch the pain was getting hard again, you were glad that you no longer had to sit with your former friends, there was no way you could park your throbbing ass on a chair and not get questions.   
Dan however came with some chocolate relief hidden in his pocket and some ibuprofen, both items could get him kicked out of school and possibly arrested so he looked super shady sharing them with you with a conspirator grin. Twining a lock of your hair around his finger while you leaned against him, eyes closed waiting for the drugs to dull everything back to a tolerable throb.

“Can I stay tonight again?”  
“Of course.” He gave a slight pause, his next words sounding a little confused like he was surprised to be saying them. “Thanks for asking.”

You knew how he could be about his space and that maybe you were pushing in on it. Those anxieties were alleviated as he continued to softly talk.  
“I actually want you to stay, like… You can move in if you want? Properly?”  
Even a small head tilt was enough to have him back peddling, not looking at you, already getting frustrated and embarrassed. “I mean if your parent’s are going to keep being assholes and they definitely hate me now, I’d like to keep seeing you so I mean it’s the least I can offer I guess. I mean until you graduate or whatever.”  
“We graduate… We’ll both graduate in a few months. I could stay, I’d like to stay.”  
“For how long?”  
“Until…” There was a pause, until you died you supposed although with your back aching and your heart fluttering ‘death’ felt like something, for the first time in a long time, you wanted to NOT come for a while. “Until you get sick of me I guess.”

He turned then, carefully pulling you a little closer and pressing his lips into the side of your head you thought you could hear a softly mumbled.

“Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was struggling with this for a bit and I gotta shoutout thanks to Emilyrosepetal and NotReallyGrump for listening to me bitch and rant about this fic and throw ideas at me so that I could rumble though it. I've got notations for the next 16 chapters now and OH GOD. BOY IS SHIT GONNA GET DIRTY. LIKE DAMN GUYS. 
> 
> ...  
> In the three seconds of me writing this I remembered that Instagram thing of Vernon and Dan and everyone chanting "Pee in his mouth" and since I am getting into that territory of dirty ass kink I AM TEMPTED TO WRITE THAT EXACT SCENE TOO.
> 
> ... Someone stop me.


	10. (NSFW) I drink the honey inside your hive

Leaving school had always been for you a complex twist of emotions, one stress traded for a different one. Home was where your room was, your room was where, at least in brief moments when your Dad wasn’t around, you could relax and be alone, to escape into games or books, to dreams or just the numb oblivion of sleep.

You were never really excited to go home after school until today, when as you closed your locker and felt a familiar tug to a strand of your hair, a sense of elation and relief washed over you.

Going home never felt so much like going HOME.

Still, you felt a little nervous about it, after all in the end this wasn’t your home but just another shared space with someone else, but it felt more comfortable. You could exist here, you could be angry, or happy, or sad, or destructive in this little space and Dan never seemed to mind. 

Getting into the room you put your bag on the chair where it usually went and immediately flopped onto the mattress with a heavy groan. Today had been rough and you were aching all over.

Turning your head you watched Dan as he moved around the kitchen, putting his own things away, opening a window and lighting a cigaret while he put the teakettle on. Going through his own motions of letting the day wash off of him before he came and joined you on the bed.

“You okay?”  
“Everything aches.”  
“Tsh…” He clicked his tongue and pulled at you to get you to sit up so he could tug your shirt off, soft lingering fingers helped strip you down, ghosted kisses along the back of your neck as he coaxed you to lay back down on your stomach while he grabbed the cream he’d bought to help with the bruising and aches. 

No apologies, never those, but his breath stilled at every painful sigh you made, warm hands carefully smoothing over tender flesh, tickling and teasing your legs open to linger up and down your inner thighs until your whines became ones that were not concerned with aching muscles but an entirely different sort of ache.

Kneeling between your legs Dan pulled at your hip, getting you to raise up just a little, angle yourself so that his wandering fingers could find themselves buried in your slick heat. 

“Is this okay?” He murmured, leaning over you, nipping gently at your shoulders 

“Fuck yes please.” Braced you fucked yourself back into his fingers, rocking in quick half thrusts, all his teasing and gentle touches had guided you halfway and now with his fingers curled inside you just needing just a little more, chasing desperately after pleasure, wanting it after such a long aching weekend of pain.

“Please, please, please Danny, please.” Begging wasn’t below you, as he slowed and teased begging would get you just what you wanted.  
“Oh baby-girl, when you ask so nice.” The hand not buried in you flicked over your clit in rough fast strokes, giving you what you needed to push you over that edge, clenching around his fingers with a pleased sigh.

“Ah-ah-ah, keep that ass up…” Dan teased as your body started to relax, holding you steady while he pulled his fingers out to lick them clean with a happy sounding hum.  
“Making such a mess like this, I’ll just have to clean it up now won’t I?” He paused, seeming to think about something, hands wandering along your hips and legs with gentle tugs and pushes like he wanted to arrange you but wasn’t quite sure how since you weren’t too keen on rolling over onto your back and he didn’t want you to either.  
“Here… Come here, put your legs…” He tugged you over, it took a moment but you figured out what he wanted once he laid himself on his back and wriggled up between your legs. 

“Are you sure?”

Moving to straddle his head, your heart hammered in your chest, cheeks flushed with heat.  
Looking down at him there was a small thrill of power at this position, a hot rush filled you as you lowered yourself onto his mouth, fingers threading through his hair as he groaned, mouth opening wide, licking at your juices. Drawing your clit between his teeth, tongue swirling circles around it, his lips soft against your swollen folds Dan hummed happily while he sucked staring up at you, watching with glee as you bit your lip and tugged gently at his hair rocking against his face. Teasing you close and then pulling back holding your hips not quite able to keep you from riding his face but able to keep you from getting what you want.  
Sweeping his tongue in between your lips, slowly fucking you with his tongue teasing until you whined, ghosting over your clit before he sucked it into his mouth, moaning, sending tingles vibrating through you making you echo him with greater pleasure.  
Quiet moans from you implored him to continue, and Dan filled with the heady taste of you dripping down his chin with abandon, sucked harder, his hands gripping and caressing your thighs, fingers digging into your ass trying to pull you even closer, get even deeper. 

“DanDanFuckGodDaa—“ Your garbled begging moans cut off into a wail, practically sobbing as you felt something inside of you peak and burst harder than you’d ever felt before, wetness dripping down your thighs. It took a very conscious effort not to just collapse onto Dan’s face. Hips and legs shaking to keep yourself up, Dan holding you steady, you could hear the wet sounds of him licking up the mess making you clench and shudder again.

You screamed when a sudden pounding on the door caused Dan to bite you a little hard, the both of you scrambling to sit up, freezing until the second set of hard knocks came.

Dan flushed a deep red that you could only imagine matched your own when a voice that was CLEARLY trying not to laugh called through the door. “We know you’re in there, it’s the police, please open up.”

What The Fuck?

“Just… Just a second!” Dan called back, moving to pull his shirt off, the neck already wet from you, using it to wipe at his mouth and face. You caught a look at how much of a mess you’d made, you didn’t even know you could get that wet, you’d only heard of this happening in pornography but had you… Squirted? If it was possible to get more embarrassed you were certainly there trying to wipe up your messy legs with your underwear and throw on your shirt while Dan opened the door a crack blocking any view into the room while you tried to get dressed.

“Can I uh… Help you Officers?”

Dan’s landlord was standing there as well, behind the male and female officer, all three adults looking a cross between amused and uncomfortable. 

“You’re Leigh?” The police man asked, continuing once Dan gave a slight nod. “Your girlfriends parent’s got worried since she hasn’t been answering her phone in a while, we know she’s 18 so she can do what she wants but they were pretty insistent that we check that she’s okay.” 

“She’s fine”

“Oh we can tell…” Muttered the female officer turning her head away to keep from laughing.  
Dan bit his tongue and turned red, the male officer clearing his throat.  
“We’ll give you kids a minute to uh…”  
“Get your pants on.” Filled in the woman.  
“And we’d like to have a little chat okay?”

Dan might have shut the door a little harder than he should have but it the pane of wood wasn’t enough to block the laughing on the other side of it.

You were dressed by the time the door was shut, a little rumpled, not wearing any underwear under your jeans, but at least in the ballpark of decent if not obviously sex rumpled.

“I hate your parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end the lady cop gives Dan a wink and tells him to keep up the good work.
> 
> Dan goes into his apartment and sets himself on fire.


	11. Help me, tear down my reason

You were a little worried, that after your parents had sent the police to Dan’s place that he would send you back or kick you out. 

Dan had sat on the sofa in a full embarrassed sulk after they’d left, not talking to you, not even looking at you, occasionally muttering to himself while he flicked through the channels of his TV not actually watching anything.

It was humiliating certainly, to be caught and teased about sex from authority figures. And certainly you wished that you could have melted into the wall or burst into flames but as the hours ticked by (and maybe the pot brownie you had helped) it became more funny than anything else.

It took a full day before Dan had calmed down enough to start talking to you again, a spark of vengeance burning in him as he insisted that the two of you go to your house after school to collect your things so you would never have to return there again.

You weren’t sure why but there was a feeling of reluctance towards doing just that. 

Mostly a part of you was scared your Dad would be there, that he would yell and scream and maybe demand you leave with nothing but the clothing on your back. Certainly you could survive that way, you had your bank card, as soon as you’d turned 18 you cut your parents off from the joint account they’d set up for you when you were a child. (Your Dad for all that you fought did instil a sense of financial responsibility in you, mostly due to a refusal to pay for anything he saw as being unnecessary which was most things other than food.)

A larger part of you was scared your Mom would be there, that she would cry and ask you to stay, use everything she had to guilt you with her concern for your future and well-being. For all that you hated your Dad you did love your Mom, and mostly it was for her that you stayed in such an unhealthy environment.

Maybe… you were really worried that by doing this, there was no going back.

Just in case you wrote a letter, a little speech prepared on paper for if your parents were there or to leave if they were not.

It didn’t sound good but it was for the most part honest.

/I will graduate, I will go to college, I will be okay, I will keep in touch, I love Dan, please don’t bother us./

You added embellishments to it, turning these points into a full two page essay of future plans, goals, and cost assessments. Showing your maturity on paper even if you couldn’t verbally make these same arguments to their faces. It was one of many letters you’d written to them, only unlike the others this would be one you’d let them find, a little more scary since also it would be the one you’d be around to see the outcome of.

Still the letter was hidden, not from them but from Dan, worried at how he might feel about it…

Particularly the last point.

You did love Dan, and you knew in his way he probably loved you too. But the two of you were complicated and you didn’t need him stressing out about your feelings for him with how on edge all of this was already making him.

Once you graduated, once you’d decided on your collages, maybe, maybe, maybe then you could tell him? It was something you’d rolled over in your mind enough times, a million thoughts and plans and contingencies for it.

On hopeful days you felt like you could say it and if he felt the same that you’d work to build a life together.

On really good days even if he didn’t feel the same you felt fuzzily like you could live with that. Be friends, drift apart, move forward into the future without him in it.

Most days you felt crushed and terrified by the thought of rejection, that he’d flee from the thought of commitment, that you’d be alone again. A part of you in this scenario didn’t even want to die, but you just didn’t want to exist in a world without him there to support you in it so it was simply the inevitable conclusion to your strange romance…  
After all that was ultimately the agreement upon which you started this odd association, that in the end only one of you was walking away from it.

The house was quiet when you went inside, Dan following you to your room with a surprised “What the fuck?” when he saw how it was.

This was how your Dad showed his displeasure when you weren’t around to experience his anger face to face.

He’d trash your room.

Books on the floor, clothing dumped out all over the floor and bed, a few glass things not shattered but certainly broken from where he’d carelessly knocked things down.

A warm hand on the back of your head brought about a wave of calm that was more relaxed than the cold numbness you usually had when you had to clean up after one of this tantrums. At least this way everything was out, it was easy to see what you wanted to take with you.

Textbooks, library books, a few favoured treasures. Stashed money and some clothing… It didn’t take long to get what you needed and a few things you just vaguely wanted, one last farewell scan of the room before looking at Dan who had placed himself at the door holding onto (certainly not hugging) your childhood flopsy rabbit. 

“Is this okay?” He asked, he always asked, a calming phrase that let you know that you were in control, that whatever choice you made he would follow.  
“Yeah.”

Leaving the letter on the kitchen table you reached for Dan’s outstretched hand.

Finally ready to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just putting this out there because this is very VERY important.
> 
> Dan and Readers relationship isn't entirely healthy and in future chapters a lot of those unhealthy aspects will be explored BUT a LOT of relationships aren't healthy and if you don't like where you are in your relationship, if you have a partner who doesn't listen to you or your needs or wants then run. Flee, Get out if you can.
> 
> I'm making a point for Dan to always check for the readers permission for the things he does. He's mean and rude to her but he also crumbled like a fine cheese the second that he realizes that she doesn't like what he's doing. They are playing a dangerous game and there are a lot of backstory discussions I haven't added to the story...
> 
> Like this one:
> 
> “Why do you like this?”  
> “What do you mean?”  
> Dan shrugged and wrapped a strand of your hair around his finger.  
> “I haven’t really met anyone else who liked getting hurt like this. I mean there are the occasional ones who say they like things a little rough but I can’t imagine, not like this. I dunno just wondering why.”
> 
> You thought about it, but you knew.  
> “It makes everything quiet.”   
> Dan looked but it was a curious one, like he knew already what you were going to say but wanted you to say it.  
> “It’s like everything that’s going on in my head goes silent and nothing exists except here and now. No past, no future, just pain, and nothing else, just me, and you and silence… You?”  
> “What?”  
> “You like hurting me but it's not like you're totally some 'I like to cut up animals' weirdo psychopath, and y'know you still like getting hurt a little too so...”
> 
> He wriggled and huffed like he didn’t want to talk, after all he rarely did but settled into words anyway, a skill he was slowly building.  
> “Same, kinda… Hurt makes my head quiet, but hurting… Hurting is all control, I get to choose what happens, how it happens, when it happens, and it’s… I know you like it, I know it helps, I know it’s… I understand and it helps me focus too.”  
> Squirming closer you peck his cheek, snuggling with a soft “Thank you.” trying to positively re-enforce his honesty and willingness to share.
> 
> “We’re super fucked up aren’t we?”  
> “Really? I think we’re probably healthier than most couples out there.”


	12. You get me closer to god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to everyone doing their tests and final projects. 
> 
> Good luck!
> 
> You can do it!!

“And that would mean…”  
“I don’t knoooowwww!!!” You whined pushing the test prep book away from yourself and slumping so far out of the chair you fully gave up and slid right onto the floor hiding under the table from studying.  
While you couldn’t actually see him do it you could imagine Dan was probably rolling his eyes so hard at you that his head was in a full rotation with them, what you did get was his long legs grabbing at you, dragging you between them, holding you in a weird leg hug/hold putting you in the perfect position to hug his waist and put your head in his lap.

“I don’t wanna study, SAT’s are fucking stupid, and useless… And classist… And sexist… Racist too…”  
“Are you just saying that?”  
“No actually I was reading that basically they’re constantly adjusted so that white men have the easiest time passing making sure to tool the questions so that they’re not too difficult for them, but anytime another group of people struggles in a section they don’t give a shit. So it legit is all those things, plus a very poor aptitude test on what your future grades in University will be so kinda pointless.”

He gave you an odd look, one of those ones where he believed and somewhat respected what you were saying, but didn’t know what to say himself since really there was nothing either of you could do about the situation so—  
He placed a hand on your head with a very lightly mumbled “You spend too much time on the internet.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh you crawled out from under the table to attempt the next question in your booklet but found your eyes wandering back to Dan.

“Y’know you’re really cute when you wear your glasses. Kinda like a sexy professor, especially with your hair up.” 

His eyes rolled up at you looking over the top of his glasses, his jaw a little tight but his eyes light, you knew he didn’t like wearing his glasses but especially when studying he would. But you also knew some of his attitude was just him trying to keep you on task.

Exactly like a sexy professor. 

Getting up he moved behind you, hands at your elbows leaning over you, looking at your work.

“You work too slow, you know you’re on a timer for the tests. I’m giving you five minutes to finish this page.”  
“Or what?”

He leaned in closer, lips ghosting over your neck before he growled “Do you really want to find out? Try me.”

His voice sent a shiver up your spine, full of threat and promise. Would he punish you for failure? Most likely  
Would he reward you if you succeeded? Also pretty likely.

Which one did you want?

“Hey!” You’d bent over your task but he hadn’t backed off instead his hands moved up your arms and then down under your shirt where he was now happily groping your chest while lightly sucking on your neck, absolutely distracting you.

“Better work faster darlin.”

What he was telling you to do and what he was doing to you were at some odds with one another. His lips on your neck, biting and sucking, tugging at the collar so he could reach lower where he was ‘allowed’ to leave marks. Fingers pinching at your nipples through your bra, everything he could do short of pulling you away from the book itself to distract you from completing the question.

Of course you didn’t finish and you knew your time was up when he ripped himself away from you and then swiped your book.

“Wha- Hey!”  
“I’m checking the answers.”  
“But…”  
“But what?”

But now you were really horny and he was completely uncairing and focused on the book, red pencil in hand circling the points you’d gotten wrong.

“Six wrong, and two missed. You can do better.” He scolded even though his eyes were smiling because now?  
Now he got to punish you. 

“Stand up, elbows on the table.”  
Quick to obey you got into position, ass out fully knowing what was coming.  
“Count for me baby.”

You counted out as Dan smacked your ass, one for each wrong or missed question, almost moaning just when he pulled down the sweatpants you’d been wearing and ran a hand over your warmed rear end. Getting directly behind you, hands on your hips to pull you back and let you feel him, hard and wanting in his own sweatpants rutting along the cleft of your ass. 

“You want this hm?” Dan leaned over you to bite your earlobe while he spoke. “Want to pretend I’m your teacher and fuck you like the dirty slut you are against this table?”  
“Please.”  
“Please what?”  
“Please fuck me like a slut.”

He hummed and bit your shoulder hard, “Maybe I don’t want to fuck some high school slut, maybe I want to fuck a smart college-bound woman?” 

Pushing you forward while he leaned over you to pull your book closer he kept you pinned against the table while he flipped the page tapping it with his pencil.  
“C’mon, finish the page, I expect you to get it all right and you have ten minutes.”

Fuck.

They were all math questions and multiple choice which meant they weren’t super hard but at the same time they involved reading and figuring out equations and paying attention for any tricks which was hard to do when your boyfriend was making you bend over a table while he finger fucked you.  
You knew you’d made a mistake when he’d slow down, and that you were right when he sped up, you were so close to the last question and coming when he pulled his hand away and jerked the test booklet away with a cruel “Time’s up.”

“GOoooodd” You whined trying to grind back against him hoping to distract Dan from his sadistic teacher play but he whacked your butt in warning, giving it a squeeze and telling you to call him ’Sir’ for this.

Making you stay in position while he corrected the page and punished you for the mistakes (two swats now for each wrong or missed answer) leaning over you to make you go over the wrong answers explaining if you didn’t understand but trying to get you to catch and correct your own mistakes. It was probably three times as hard since he was bent on distracting you and swatting you every time you fell for the distractions.

It was certainly better than the boring studying before if not a lot more frustrating. He’d test you while bringing you right to the edge of orgasm and then pull away before you finished, either the assigned problem OR orgasm. 

“C’mon you’re being such a good girl, you’re so smart you can do this I know you can baby.”  
“Danny— Sir please, please I can’t take it please let me cum.”  
“I know baby, I know I’m right here with you.” His voice was a harsh whisper, he’d teased you into a frenzy but it wasn’t like he’d gotten any relief either, every time you’d gotten close he’d pull back and that was keeping him on edge too.

“You can do it lovely, I know you can, just finish the page with no mistakes, you got it, it’s so easy, you’re so smart.” Dan kept mumbling praise while he gently thrust into you kissing and nibbling at your neck pausing to check your answers mumbling praise and begging you to finish faster.

You knew he didn’t want to stop, not again, but considering how tight his hands were holding onto your hips, how he struggled for slow and gentle control, you knew he still had it in him to pull back if you didn’t. It was all in your hands.

So focused on the task at hand, you needed to finish the page, Dan didn’t matter anymore, what he was doing didn’t matter, you needed to finish the page because you could NOT be denied again. 

“Please, please, Sir, please…” You begged him but really you were just hoping that there was time left, just a little more time. You could sense Dan look at the clock, his hands tightening just a little to make the both of you stop, throwing caution to the wind you circled any answer, making a desperate guess just so that he wouldn’t stop. 

“Oh baby, baby you’re so good, so perfect, god you’re gonna fucking ace those tests baby-girl.” He groaned into your neck before slamming into you so hard you cried out, knocking your book off the table to brace yourself against the rough thrusts. 

It didn’t take long, he’d been holding you there at that edge for at least 4 pages of the workbook now and when you burst it gripped Dan like a vice, locked inside of you while you throbbed around him making him bite down on your shoulder while he followed.

Legs shaking you could feel you own wetness dribbling down your shaking legs. 

Dan was in the same boat, flopping back into a chair, pulling you into his lap with him, not caring at any of the sweat or other fluids as he wrapped himself around you and you caught your breaths. 

“That’s… Enough studying for one day hm?”  
“Those tests ain’t got nothing on this.”


	13. Through every forest, above the trees

Your sex life came to a frosty halt after that last study session, with summer vacation creeping closer you and Dan were both busy looking for new jobs, putting out applications to universities, studying late into the night for your final tests. 

You weren’t sure what Dan’s financial situation was but you knew you were not going to be asking your parents for help in paying for school, which meant scholarships had to be obtained, which meant making sure your GPA was sparkling, your SAT’s were astounding, and that your essays written to the universities of your choice were brilliant and compelling.   
Dan seemed just as stressed, the dark circles under his eyes no longer caused by eyeliner (oh you had found out pretty quick that his gorgeous dark lashes were not 100% natural but you loved the look so weren’t about to judge) but instead by lack of sleep. 

It was in those late night that dark thoughts would creep back in uninvited, thoughts that had felt like they’d almost lost their hooks on you now that you no longer lived at home.

/I can’t do this/  
/I just want to sleep/  
/I just want it all to end…/

Dan was almost psychic at times, seeing your pen slow, the vapid stare through whatever you were doing. Announcing loudly that he was tired and you would keep him up if you left the lights on so there was no choice for you in the matter, sleep time had come.

And his arms wrapped around you would at least, for the night, push away those thoughts. 

As all things do even tests eventually come to an end, and the relief found in the calm after the storm could make even the grumpiest of Dan’s a little giddy and open to new things.

So after throwing down books and getting celebratory baked out of your minds he didn’t even object at all to your invite to a graduation bush party.

Well, once he’d sobered up enough to realize what he’d agreed to he objected, but big eyes and a manipulative “You’d make me go to a party way out in the woods all by myself?” made him change his tune pretty quick.

So off the two of you went, out to the middle of nowhere, surrounded by underage drunks playing with fire, intoxicated more by the freedom of the summer and of graduation than the alcohol they were consuming. 

Dan hovered next to you like a surly shadow, you could tell how at odds he was. Uncomfortable by the press of people, wanting to find solace in your touch, more anxious about public displays of affection, unable to find a balance.

He stood a little too close, occasionally his fingers touching your elbow or brushing against your hand, but then he’d look away and pull back trying to pretend like he wasn’t even there with you, as though he’d come to one of these things alone.

A part of you was almost glad when he muttered something about going into the woods to have a smoke to calm down a bit, after all he was kind of making it hard for you to have any sort of a good time and you wanted him to enjoy his last moments of being a high school student. But a larger part of you just felt bad for dragging him out here, not realizing just how much he hated things like this, feeling like a jerk for manipulating him to come out when clearly he didn’t like this sort of thing.

Promising yourself you’d finish your drink and then find him to go home you started some idle chit-chat with the guy next to you, the group you were already in was in the midst of a loud drunk conversation that he was observing much like you were.

He seemed nice, smaller than Dan, a little more husky, sort of a baby face that made the beer in his hand seem very out of place.

His name was Barry, he played hockey but was going to drop out once he got into college because he wanted to focus on his studies instead. You both got talking about travel and what you wanted to study in university, not realizing you’d finished your drink and were still chatting with him while the rest of the group started to thin out enough for Dan to find you again.

He’d also had enough time to have a drink or two after he’d finished his smoke and calmed down, not frantic to find you but he’d realized how much time had passed with the two of you apart and was now in a state of being agitated enough that the effects of weed couldn’t calm the sudden flair of jealousy at seeing you in a deep conversation alone with some other guy.

“Oh I’m sorry am I interrupting you two?” He asked politely but his tone was ice cold as he put an arm over your shoulder and glared at Barry who put his own hands up in a universal sign of not wanting to start anything.

“Just talking about graduation, I’m Barry, you must be Dan.”  
It wasn’t like you hadn’t mentioned that you were at the party with your boyfriend, you weren’t the type to lead a guy on but you were also the type who just had male friends in general, after all you were never the girl guys dated, you were always the friend.

Dan didn’t say anything, just sort of stared with narrowed eyes.   
“You ready to go home?” Patting Dan’s side to get his attention back on you, you knew he’d probably had his absolute fill of dealing with other people, hence the added hostility. 

Oddly you’d told Barry that Dan could be really pissy but mostly because he was shy. So the other man just kept smiling calmly, seeing Dan’s glower as the pouting it really was.

“Yeah lets go.”

“It was nice to meet you Dan!” Barry called out after him making Dan turn and give him a puzzled look more than being angry. But he still kept a tight grip on your hand as he lead you into the woods heading in the general direction of where he’d parked his car.

You were almost there when he muttered something and then pushed you up against a tree.  
“What the fuck was that?” He snapped at you gesturing back to the party.  
“What the fuck was what?” 

“That guy? Gee nice t’meet’cha Dan~” He mocked. “I— What were you doing talking to him? Were you chatting him up the whole time? I was looking for you!”

“What the fuck Dan YOU left ME to go get high, I was lonely.”  
“So you’ll just offer yourself up to fuck anyone?”

“Leigh.” Your voice was a low warning growl and his head dropped immediately realizing that you were not going to play this game with him. Reaching up you tugged at his hair to get him to look up at you, not wanting the night ruined by stupid drunken anger. “What’s really the matter?”

“I… I didn’t like being there, it’s too many people and I didn’t like you talking to that guy. He’s too friendly, you’re— You’re MY girlfriend.”

“Danny…” You sighed a little happy that he was calling you his girlfriend (since he was all mr “no labels no commitment”) but miffed at how he was being a tool. Pulling him into a hug, standing on your toes so he didn’t have to bend down so far, his face pressing into your neck.

“You’re mine.” It sounded like it could almost be a question as his mouth bit at your neck and he pressed you back into the tree, less in anger this time but no less rough. His hands pushing up under your shirt pulling at your clothes with reckless abandon.

“Dan! Danny people could come by!” You hissed at him, not really doing much to stop him considering you’d let him pull down your bra, his mouth was now roughly sucking at a nipple. It wasn’t exactly like you wanted to give anyone a show, but he was the one with more issues about people seeing him do much of anything in public. Deep inside you were getting a thill out of the idea of being caught, of people seeing how passionate and needy he could be, to see that his cool exterior and his air of uncaring were all fake. 

With another shove he turned you around, facing the tree, bracing yourself against it as he grabbed your hips pausing just before he yanked down your shorts with a soft whisper “Is this okay?”

You barely let out a “yes” before your shorts were at your ankles and he thrust into you so fast and hard it hurt. 

“Fuck,” he whispered into your ear, hips setting a savage pace making you yelp a little no matter how much you were trying to stay quiet. “This is mine. Do you understand me? This— This fucking belongs to me!”

Words evaded you as as a weird dark sense of pride and pleasure fogged your brain, your body moving in unison with his, trying to push back to meet his hard thrusts while keeping your face from smacking into the tree.   
“You’re mine,” he continued, mumbling your name while he bit down into your neck muffling his own growling moans. “You only get to talk to me, no one else. You- are- mine!” 

Each word was enunciated with a rough jab of his hips, when you didn’t respond, his fingers dug deeper into your hips, nails pinching marks into you, his voice growing louder, wrought with pain. “Answer me, you whore!” he said, fucking you harder. “Tell me you’re mine!”  
“Da-anny—” You tried to say anything but it was hard, 

“You fucking slut.” He hissed but his voice sounded off, not it’s usual commanding tone when the two of you played. He sounded as if he were scared, as if he were begging you instead of trying to degrade you.   
“No one will ever fuck you like I can.” He whispered softly into your neck, gasping for air as he pounded you. “No one will ever… I’m going— I’m going to ruin your little cunt.”

That’s when you knew for sure, how his breath stilted not from passion or exertion, that something was really wrong with this.   
Stress hits everyone different and the time leading up to graduation had been stressful for him and yet he’d not complained, instead standing as your rock of strength then, and you repaid that by making him do more things he hated.  
Wetness hit your neck, not from his mouth, but from his eyes.

His fingers were at your clit rough and quick and you groaned, a part of you wanting to stop this, fully recognizing just how insane and weird it was, but rising to the peak of your climax, pulsing and clenching around his cock in need unable to pull away to demand a serious talk just yet.

“You gonna cum?” Dan was moaning, panting at his own words, choking out the playful things you liked to hear. “Tight little pussy gonna cum on my cock?”  
“Please! Please Dan fuck, please let me cum.”  
He was at the edge of play and desperation, his hips still moving but hugging you to him, needing to have you as close to him as he could.  
“Tell me, fuck! Tell me! Tell me who you belong to!” His cock was plunging harder, sinking deeper, stretching you apart.  
You whined, body at the breaking point. “You! I belong to you!”

He let out a strangled cry, the heat of his cum inside you setting off your own orgasm. But the blissful float was short lived as his arms around you tightened and he broke into open sobbing.

“Please, please I’m sorry, I love you I’m sorry, please don’t leave me.” His weight, while not much, was enough to drag the both of you down as he leaned harder against you. On the ground you couldn’t even get your shorts up, fighting him so you could turn around and hold him to your chest just as tightly, rocking him back and fourth.

“Oh baby-doll shh, shh it’s okay Danny. I love you too. I’m not going to leave you okay?”

It was almost scary, seeing this much emotion out of him, for all the small glimpses of goofy or normal, how he could be quiet and thoughtful and romantic here and there, even though you got to see all of those it was easy to fall into his act that he was this tough, ice cold guy who didn’t care about anything.

And here he was, having a weird sobbing anxiety attack because he was drunk, overstimulated by people, and scared that you were going to leave him. 

“I’m sorry.” He was finally able to coherently get out, finished with his crying and now moving into being embarrassed by everything, pulling back to tuck himself away, giving you the chance to pull your shorts back on, ignoring the cum on your legs. But you didn’t give him time to fully shut down and ball himself up. It was a crack, a big one, and you wanted to fill it up and not let it harden.

“Danny, I really do love you.” Now you were the one all in his space, bullying him to accept your hugs and affection, let his clothing and skin be damned this time. “All those fucked up bits and everything, I love you.”

Fingers in his hair you scratched at his scalp, feeling his body relax, sensing he was calmer now and ready for your hand to tighten and yank his head back by his hair, your voice as dark as his was moments ago.

“You’re mine too, do you understand?” 

He looked surprised, but you pulled harder making his breath catch. 

“You belong to me, THIS is mine, and I’m not going to leave you. So no more of this jealous prickery you understand me?”

It took a jerk of his head before he stammered out a “Yes Sir!” maybe trying to go for a joke but you could feel a seed of something there.

“Good, now, lets go home, you’re drunk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to GrumpyEden who spat all the best ideas at me about a possessive fuck and Dan being all "Grr MINE!"
> 
> I was going to go darker with this but... WELLLLLLL
> 
> This whole project has kind of been a dip into my dark psyche starting with harmful thoughts that I'd been having months ago, and I've now started treatment so I am much more full of hope and pep and all that jazz so that means this story too is getting more into the realm of "holy shit is this going to have a fucking HAPPY ENDING??"
> 
> And fuck me boys and girls IT JUST FUCKING MIGHT.
> 
> So Dan's possessive but it leads to an emotional breakthrough that he's acting out because he's a scared little insecure boy and Reader-Chan is having NONE OF THAT NONSENSE.
> 
> So hard fucks in the word but once Danny sobers up then harder talks in the morning.
> 
> Reader-chan is totally on birth control but they still usually use condoms because easier cleaning.   
> She drives them home since Dan was on that edge of "too drunk" and she's not having that shit.
> 
> Dan needs to steam clean the drivers seat because she leave cum-encrusted dirt stains there and he can't say jack-shit about it because that is 99.9% entirely his fault.


	14. You let me desecrate you

“You gonna be good for me baby-doll?”  
“Yes Sir.”  
“God, you are aren’t you? Look at you taking my cock, fucking love it don’t you?”  
“Mn”  
“Come on, tell me how much you love my big cock up that tight ass of yours.”  
“So much Sir! Fuck please… Please more!”  


“Such a good boy Danny…”

He moaned in a choked way that was nearly a sob as you pulled out of his ass to the tip of the strap-on, holding there, gently resting your hands on his hips, cooing at him to stay still, to be good while he shook and whined before slamming into him forcing out the most delicious of sounds that he would normally never make.

He tried to muffle his wonton cries into the pillow, face red not just with lust but embarrassment at how much he liked this. The praise, being dominated, he pretended he didn’t care what the world thought of him but this was something he’d wanted that you had to peel out of him with hints and surly conversations filled with avoidance, finally tricking it out of him by offering to do Anal but under the condition that he went first and let you fuck him. 

He pretended that he wasn’t that interested…  
But once you presented him with the equipment.  
TOLD him you would take care of him tonight.  
Flipped his phrase on him—  
“Is this okay?”

He’d taken to his knees with gleeful abandon. 

“I want to hear you baby-doll, I love that sexy voice of yours,” Pulling his head back by his hair you wouldn’t let him try to cover his face, wouldn’t let him muffle himself. His back arching elegantly with his head up, mouth open, panting for you. “I want everyone to hear me fucking you.” 

You held him up like that, slowly fucking him, using his hair as a leash, but a slightly sharper whimper made you let him go, the angle a little hard for him to maintain. 

That and…

“Turn around baby-doll I wanna see you.” Pulling out of him you gave his ass a little slap, letting him drop and quickly roll over, legs spread begging for your cock as you pushed back into him setting a much faster and less teasing pace. 

“Please, fuck please baby- Sir I’m so close please fuck touch me.”

You’d been so mean, not letting him touch himself while he did this, at least you were being nice and hadn’t tried to use a cock ring on him.

This time.

You knew what he liked, how to read what he needed to get off or to prolong things, keeping him there at that edge while he wriggled trying to fuck himself on your dick and into your hand begging so beautifully. Putting his hands above his head and gripping hard at the pillow to keep himself from trying to cover his mouth you were blessed with the sight of him as his eyes rolled back, his whole body going tight, cumming so hard it reached his neck in thick spurts.

You let him cover his face then, as you slowed and carefully pulled out of him. Kissing his knees while you stood up to grab a washcloth to wipe him off with before it got onto the bed.

“Danny?” His breathing hadn’t really calmed as you came back, sounding just as ragged but in a different way. He tensed but didn’t say anything as you wiped off his chest, only flinching with a sharp “Don’t!” when you moved the cloth between his legs to clean up the lube.

Getting up his face was still scarlet, not looking at you he stumbled, a little bow-legged into the bathroom.

You gave him until you’d cleaned up everything else, putting away the lube and your toys before knocking on the door.

“C’mon baby-doll, we talked about this.”

It took a count of five before he opened the door, still a little pink, still not quite meeting your eye.  
“Hey, c’mon, none of that.” Reaching up you patted his cheeks giving them a little pinch, pulling him down to give you a kiss before leading him back to the bed. “Was that okay?”

“Yes.”  
“Did you like it?”  
“Mmn…”  
“Not an answer Daniel.”  
“Yes Sir.”  
“That’s my baby-doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been planning this chapter for a while but I re-read KattyWolfShark's "Good Boy" and goddamn if the idea of Dan taking it like a shameful slut from some petite woman doesn't just ring every bell I've got so I had to push this chapter to the front of the line
> 
> I wasn't gonna do it for another 7 chapters but here'y'go Happy Valentines Day.


	15. You can have the hate that it brings

You reached out and ruffled Dan’s hair as you walked past where he was sitting in the diner you worked at, hunched over the final contract paperwork for a new apartment you’d hopefully be in by the end of the month. School would be starting then too for the both of you and you’d both been accepted to the same university and were looking forward to moving out of town and away from everything.

A fresh start for the both of you.

He paused in his writing, his head tilting into your hand as you massaged his scalp.

“How much longer till you’re done?”  
“As soon as Kelly gets here I can go but as usual…”  
“She’s late” You both said in unison. Kelly didn’t like taking the graveyard shift and tended to be anywhere from a half an hour to an hour late but no one could really say anything because it wasn’t like there were any customers from midnight till 7 so having anyone take it was a blessing.

At least you wouldn’t have to deal with it for much longer, well at least not this place specifically, you knew you’d probably get the same type of job to help pay the bills once you moved too.

“You want some more tea?”  
“Yes please.”

You let your knuckles trail the side of his cheek, feeling the slight scratch of his 6 o’clock shadow. He was still a little sore from your fun the night before and oddly that made him kind of sweet. How he’d blush and look at you whenever he shifted in his seat still feeling or remembering the feeling of that ache.

He caught your hand bringing it to his lips, the restaurant was empty so he was being pretty brash with his affection, freezing as there was a ding and you looked up hearing some people come in with a loud “And I said Liquor? I hardly know er!” Laughing loud and strangely, making Dan squeeze your hand tight.

You assumed it was just because he was embarrassed at being caught, not that they could see what he was doing from the door but how he was now gripping your hand, not letting go, staring at the man and woman who came in with his eyes wide (and… scared?) you looked away from the door.

“Dan? Baby-doll what’s wrong?” How he was holding onto you, not letting you leave to go and seat them made you worried, hoping that the pet name would shake him out of it, make him feel safer.

“I—“ His mouth moved a little, his eyes finally tearing away from the couple to look at you, letting go of your hand like it was on fire the moment that the man suddenly called out Dan’s name.

“Oh my GOD Danny! How have you been Son? Doing alright with school?” The man called out seeing the two of you and coming over, the woman rushing over as well with an excited sounding  
“Ooh Danny we missed you SO MUCH!” She pushed past you and into the booth right next to Dan giving him a hug and you could see his eye tic and his lip curl up in disgust as she did so.

She was… Kinda hot if you had to describe her, curvy in all the right places and makeup like a pro. But you knew how Dan was about being touched so even if she was attractive enough in her own right to get a burning flare of jealousy in you, you felt a little smug in knowing that no matter how hot she was Dan clearly hated what she was doing right then.

“What are /you/ two doing here?” He spat out in that petulant tone he hadn’t used since school let out.

“Why we were just down at the local cinema seeing a delightful show when we decided to end our evening with some delicious milkshakes! Isn’t that right dear?” The man said in a strange announcer type voice as though he were speaking on a stage. He slid into the booth across from Dan giving you a charming smile but looking at you like you hadn’t been standing there the whole time. “Ah yes my dear if you would get us a large chocolate milkshake with two straws! And we’ll of course cover whatever our young man here has ordered!”

You looked at Dan who pulled his arm away from the woman who was cuddling it gathering up his papers and things as fast as he could. “No, I didn’t order anything, I was just leaving.”

“Oh but Danny we just got here! Don’t you wanna—“ The woman started to say but he interrupted her with a tight.  
“Suzy fuckin’ MOVE.” 

The man’s hand shot out grabbing Dan’s wrist, his voice dropping to a threatening growl “Do NOT speak to her like that.”

Dan stared at him, his face a passive look of thinly veiled anger as the man’s jaw set, his face scrunched up in anger that you genuinely worried that he might drag Dan over the table and hit him.

“U-Um!” You stammered loudly. “S-Sorry but I’m about to get off shift and Kelly will be your waitress this evening! Would you just like the milkshake or should I get you two some menu’s?”

The man looked up at you with that charming grin again letting go of Dan like nothing had happened with a fake laugh. “Oh thanks, sure we’ll take a gander at the menu won’t we dear?”  
“Of course darling!” Suzy replied.

“Great I’ll go grab those for you, uh Dan could I speak to you for just a moment please. There’s uh, something in the back I need your help with!”

He looked between the couple and then at you with a scoff like you were seriously inconveniencing him but rolled his eyes with a “Fine.” the woman finally moving out of his way so he could get up and follow after you into the kitchen. 

“Hey Joe, can you get a chocolate milkshake on the go for me, Kelly, two on 15 need menu’s, the shake is for them, I gotta go okay?” You called seeing Kelly come in the back door right then leading Dan right out from where she came in.

Kelly could keep your tips tonight if she wanted them, you hadn’t gotten much from dinner anyway.

“You okay?” You asked once you were outside seeing Dan rubbing his wrist where the man had grabbed him.  
“Fine.” He wasn’t looking at you, his voice sharp and angry.  
“Who were they?”  
“No one.”  
“Dan…”  
“No one.” He said again a little more firmly now walking away from you to the car.

“Daniel!” You chased after him grabbing his arm that he ripped out of your grasp but not letting him get away, standing in front of him, blocking his path. “Dan, please, don’t shut me out!”  
He stared at you, his jaw set, finally breaking when you gave one final little begging “please?” looking away with a huff.

“They’re my parents.”

You were stunned into a silence not really able to believe that. They didn’t look much older than maybe 25 but they were Dan’s PARENTS?

You didn’t know anything about them, Dan didn’t talk about them at all, all you knew was that however it was that they’d raised Dan made Dan leave as soon as he could, that he’d hurt himself because of them, and that they’d given him the weirdest issues when it came to food.

“Do—“ You were about to offer to let him talk about it but caught the small motions of Dan getting tighter, pulling back, his body language giving a clear “No” so you let it go and moved back letting him move past you with a soft. “Lets go home okay?”

With a nod you let him go to the car, rushing inside to grab your purse and clock out really fast, glad that Dan didn’t immediately peel out of there and instead had waited for you. While you were curious you didn’t bother to go back into the dining room to get a look at his parents. Unless Dan wanted to talk about them they would remain a mystery to you, the strange young couple who raised the man who saved your life.

The ride home was quiet, it made you feel tense and on edge. Would Dan yell? Hit something? Should you do something or would it be better if you stayed quiet and unnoticed? You’d been in control for the last few days but that had been relaxed Dan, the Dan that was shy and kind and gentle. 

This was angry Dan, the one that was unpredictable and mean.

Getting into the house you stayed by the door for a few moments while he threw off his jacket and paced, not wanting to get in his way or become the target of his attention while he was still prickly, waiting until he sat down on the sofa and started flipping through channels on the TV to make your move. 

Sitting on the floor next to his legs you tested your boundaries by resting your head on his knee. He flinched but didn’t fully pull away, not reacting when you crawled between his legs either hugging his calf watching the TV as it started to slow and pause on various shows. As you heard him sigh and his hand reached out to run his fingers through your hair you turned around on him. 

“Please, Daddy.” You started, your voice sweet and soft. “Please, let me suck your cock.”

He looked at you for a long moment making you wonder if you’d chosen the wrong path and he really wasn’t in any mood to play. A little worried that this might make him more angry and earn you a punishment. But you could see that your nuzzling against his inner thigh was starting to arouse him, his pants getting tight as he continued to pet your head.

Nosing right against his length, feeling it harden under your touch, you rubbed him through his jeans. “Please? Pretty please?”

Pushing you back he stood up off the sofa, getting your attention as he unzipped his pants for you pulling himself out with a curt

“Open.”

You did, and he gripped your hair, pushing himself into you. Without thinking, you groaned as he inched himself into your eager mouth biting his lip, watching your lips stretch around his dick, watching you stare up at him with large, adoring eyes.

Dan throbbed in your mouth, and you swallowed, the head hitting the back of your throat, cutting off air until you gurlged around him, stars starting to flicker over your vision, finally pulling out and thrusting back in, again, and again.

Whimpering and choked on the size of his cock, you tried to hollow out your cheeks, to move your tongue against him as you started to suck, but the angle and his size made it too difficult--every snap of his hips earned another gag from you.

“Oh Baby-girl” he said. “Is Daddy too big for you?”

Nodding, you attempted to get off of his length, maybe beg forgiveness and ask for a hard fucking instead, but his hand seized the back of your head, holding you there.

“Daddy didn’t say you could stop now did he?” Dan tisked. “Baby you gotta finish what you start.”

Gagging now tears and drool sliding down your chin he rocked into you if anything going deeper. Ruthless fingers burrowed into your hair, his hard cock fucking into your throat, and when you squeezed shut your eyes he snapped.

“Look at me, you whore!” Giving your hair a sharp yank. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”

You did, gazing at him with cloudy eyes, your throat sore, lips and tongue going numb with his brutal thrusting, he was mad but not at you, his control and anger slipping away with his frustration as he fucked your eager mouth.

“Good girl,” Dan shifted, craning your head back, plunging deeper into your neck, seething in pleasure when you whined on his cock, your cheeks burning red with tears. His breath was coming fast, his dick pulsing urgently in your mouth, and then he was cursing, hissing your name, hips jerking in sloppy thrusts. He pulled out, fisting his length.

“Keep your mouth open Baby.”

You did, and he groaned, shooting hot ropes of white cum onto your mouth and eyes, hips still rolling while he fucked his hand through the end of his climax. As he caught his breath, he looked down at you, your mouth open, half of his cum in it, the other half over your face. “Swallow it.”

With a sigh you swallowed, giving a little flinching whimper as his large hand pet your head, relaxing as he started praising you 

“Such a good girl, so good to me fuck baby-girl so good… Now what do we say?”

You wiped off the cum on your eyes looking up at him, glad to see him smiling just a little, finally relaxed again.

“Thank you Daddy.”  
“Thank /you/ Baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to all you lovelies who have joined me in this terrible sin and especially to GrumpyEden who gave me the spark of adding Arin and Suzy to this, and always notreallygrump who got me on the Daddy kink train. This was supposed to be a little more "Cum-Marking" and I was originally going with a totally different direction here but I might bring in that other stuff for the next chapter.


	16. You are the reason I stay alive

It didn’t surprise you that Dan was on edge to say the least after running into his parents. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t bother you.

He’d sit with you on the sofa, put his head in your lap and give a sigh as you would gently massage his scalp, but then shoot up like a bolt scowling at you to go and sulk by the window and smoke a bowl of weed, slinking back while high to roll all over you like a cat trying to leave its scent. Hot then cold, wanting to leave marks all over you then not wanting you to touch him at all, excited and ready to leave then making noises like he didn’t want you to come with him. 

With school out and most of your friends having long since stopped talking to you you found yourself unexpectedly venting to Barry one night after he came into the diner while it was empty. Dan used to be the one to sit with you for the last hour of your shift but since his parents had shown up a few days ago you were stuck either taking a cab home or hoping he’d stop by to pick you up depending on his mood. Barry had offered to give you a ride so he was sticking around while you waited once more for Kelly.

You weren’t exactly hiding it from Dan but you had spoken to Barry a few times over the last month since meeting him at the party. A few of the hockey guys liked to hang out at the diner after their games for dinner or on the weekends so you were familiar with them all and Barry was a really sweet guy so it was hard not to chat with him. 

“And you’re okay with moving in with him?” Barry asked keeping his tone neutral although you knew maybe he was making a little bit of a judgement on Dan after you’d spilled that you were worried about the move and how on edge he’d been. 

“Yeah I mean, I love him, I really, really do and I know he loves me too I just… He just got so weird after seeing his parents and he doesn’t talk about them at all and they kinda did give me these I dunno vibes? Which makes sense considering how Dan is…” You sighed and looked at Barry’s cup, “More coffee?”

“Sure, please. He’s not like, too possessive is he?” Barry fiddled with his cup as you came back with the coffee pot.

“What do you mean?”

Barry tapped the side of his neck making you touch the side of yours, clearly some of your makeup had rubbed off and the marks on your neck were showing.   
“Okay I’m not gonna lie we are both a little rough on each other.”  
He frowned  
“Don’t give me that look, trust me when I say he doesn’t do anything to me that I don’t want him to and I’ve done a lot of the same right back we are kind of an odd pair but nothing that I’m not okay with.”  
The frown didn’t go away but got covered up with the coffee mug at least.  
“I’m just worried that the stress of the move might… I dunno… I don’t really want to think about it I just want him to stop being so damn prickly. Maybe once we leave it’ll be better.”

Barry had a look on his face that clearly said ‘or worse’ but he sighed and didn’t bother to say it. “When are you leaving again?”  
“Tomorrow’s my last shift here, then two days of packing and we’ll be out on Monday.  
“Shit that soon?”  
“Well we’ve been planning it for a while and sooner we get there the sooner we get settled. Nothing here to really hold us back.”

Barry stuck out his lip.  
“Oh shush you’re leaving for New York in like two weeks anyway to go to your fancy pants school.”  
“Only the fanciest~”

You didn’t want to complain too much about Dan, just wanted someone else to hear you and feel like you were being listened to. None of it felt like anything you couldn’t handle just an annoyance in an already busy schedule.  
Changing the subject you chatted about his school until Kelly came in and you clocked out heading out the front door with Barry stopping short when you saw Dan sitting in his car waiting for you.

He’d said he wouldn’t come to get you tonight, that he was tired after work and wanted to go to sleep early but either he woke up or couldn’t sleep and changed his mind. You grinned because you were happy that he had been thinking of you but that thought drained away as he got out of the car, his jaw set hard in anger. He didn’t even say anything, just stood there glaring.

“Hey” Barry stopped you from going to him with a hand on your elbow, concern written all over his face as he could tell Dan was mad too. “I’m not… Look, are you gonna be okay?”

You looked at Barry and how there was worry painted all over his face and then back to Dan who was now holding onto the top of his door with white knuckles his face going weirdly unreadable as he watched your interaction with the other man. 

“I’ll be fine.” You sad patting Barry’s hand getting him to let you go, “He’s just being a baby lately but he’ll get over it. I can handle him.”

With a smile you moved away from Barry, walking across the parking lot to Dan’s car.

“Hey, c’mere.” Dan said, still not looking at you, just staring at Barry who was watching the both of you, a serious frown still on his face.

“What?” You felt your tone was a little sharp but you weren’t really in the mood to deal with much shit from him.   
His eyes flicked to you, the anger in them fading to hurt at your tone. “Do you love me?”  
It was a low blow but you crumbled to it, “Of course I do Dan.”

The fact that Barry was standing right there watching was a little embarrassing for you, but you couldn’t believe that Dan, Dan “don’t touch me it’s not cool” then chose to pull your face up, bending over to kiss you hard on the lips.   
Gasping when he grabbed your ass pulling you closer his tongue slid into your mouth a tight hand in your hair to pull you away so he could bite the side of your neck, the pain bringing you back down to remember that you were in public and while he might have lost his mind with not giving a shit right then this was getting intense enough that you needed to stop it before you both got in trouble.  
“Dan… Fuck Dan I love you but knock it off.”

With a huff against your neck he let you go, all of the anger out of his eyes and a small rare smile just for you there instead.  
“Love you too.”

You walked around the car to get in on the passenger side, face a little red, not wanting to look at Barry and not catching Dan smirk at him, stick his tongue out and flip the other man off before he got in to drive the two of you home.

He was quiet in the car but so were you, wondering what that sudden display was all about, realizing it was his way of showing off Barry, feeling a little put out because of it but not horribly so. After all if Dan was going to be the jealous type then he’d probably have to get over being the type who didn’t like people to know he had feelings and attachments at all. Baby steps towards some form of maturity because he really had to consider how could he get mad if other guys hit on his girlfriend if he got all twitchy about admitting he had a girlfriend?

At least you thought, right until he shoved you in the back the second you got in the door with an angry “What the fuck were you doing talking to him?”  
“What the fuck Dan really?” You snapped back so far beyond not in the mood for his tantrums.  
“Is he the fucking friend who gave you a ride home the other night?”  
“Yes! Barry comes to the cafe all the time we’ve been friends for a while.”  
Dan looked pissed at that taking a step toward you that you didn’t back down from.  
“Oh don’t fucking give me that you asshole!” You pushed him back now. “You’re the one who wouldn’t pick me up, you’re the one who doesn’t want to hang out or get to know my friends!” 

Angry now you pushed him once more, doing it again when he tried to make his usual excuses of not liking them catching your hands after you shoved him into the door squeezing them tightly and walking you backward and into the kitchen using his hight and strength against you.

“Don’t you fucking PUSH me!” He snarled giving your wrists one last tight squeeze before letting them go.

“What do you wanna do then Dan? Do you wanna hit me? Run my life, tell me not to have friends? Will that make you feel like a big man?” You were mad enough to feel stupid enough to say that, regretting it the moment that it came out of your mouth considering if you’d said it to your father he would have beaten the living shit out of you. 

And with Dan?

“Beefy.” 

It was a silly word. One that didn’t fit into the context of much especially considering Dan didn’t eat red meat to the point he barely liked to be around it. A perfect kind of word that would feel so out of context anywhere that it would break whatever was happening with just how out of place it was.

He’d never used his safeword before, you almost didn’t recognize it.

He turned on his heel and was out the door before you even realized what was going on.

Still angry you didn’t bother to chase after him.

———

He didn’t come home that night.

Dan had his final shift at work the next day which you hoped that he went to at the least. Your anger had fizzled out during the night and while you didn’t feel sorry for defending yourself you didn’t want to fight with him anymore, you wanted to talk like adults and work things out because you wanted things to work with him. You didn’t want him to walk all over you and you knew he didn’t want to do that either, but that it was hard for him to express himself and open up to people.

You started packing, hoping that he would come home soon to help or at least to talk. The longer he was gone the longer you worried, at first just anxieties about what you would do if he wanted to break up, you had some money still, you’d probably be able to find a place with someone if you had to. 

But as it went past time for him to return home from work you started to worry more. Dan had never used his safe word with you, he’d insisted you should have one, knowing how dangerous your playing was and likewise you’d insisted he make one too, something to let you know either when he just wasn’t in the mood or to let you know when you’d gone too far. The two of you could get angry, get very violent, but you’d both agreed that if these words were ever spoken everything that was taking place would stop.

You’d spoken the name he hated a few times, made him stop what he was doing, made him realize when he’d crossed a line so he could step back. But you’d never found that line with him, even when he was angry or frustrated or anxious he’d never asked you to stop and leave him alone.

You just wished he’d stayed to talk, that he’d come back to talk, you wanted to understand what you’d said to make him so upset, why it bothered him so much.  
It scared you at how long he was gone for, how he was ignoring your texts.

It didn’t take much for you to pack up your things, you didn’t own much to begin with, and while Dan could be particular you packed up some of the easier things for him, dishes and the dry goods in the kitchen that would be coming with you on the trip, some of Dan’s games all carefully put into boxes. You’d given up, stacked things close to the door and laid on the sofa letting the worry of him being gone eat at you.

He came in quietly you didn’t really realize he was back until you heard him speak.  
“So… Are you leaving then?”

Sitting up you looked at him, he didn’t look angry or anything, sad and tired maybe, and…   
He had a bruised lump developing under his eye.

“What? Jesus what happened? Are you okay?”  
He turned his head away so you couldn’t see the injury but didn’t try to run away when you kneeled on the sofa reaching for him to turn back to you.  
“What happened?”

“I went and apologized to your friend Barry… And let him punch me.”  
“What the fuck why would you do that?”  
“He wanted to and I wanted him to.”  
“…” Your mouth just hung open a noise that was close to a “???” slowly coming out.

“It’s a guy thing… I talked to him and I know you guys are just friends and I… I dunno I told him to punch me and he did and it’s okay… Are you?”  
“Am I okay?”  
“No. Well yes but are you leaving?”  
“Why would I leave?”  
“Because I was acting like an asshole… I was acting like your dad.”  
“Dan, you’re not like my father.”  
“… But I’m an asshole?”  
“Well yeah that kind of goes without saying.”

That got him to snort and crack a little smile, finally willing to look up at you, taking your hand on his cheek, pulling it to his mouth to kiss your palm.  
“I’m sorry.”

A rare statement from him so you knew he really meant it.  
“I love you and I want to try to be better.”  
“I know.”  
“You won’t leave?”  
“Only with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck is this an... END?  
> A...  
> A HAPPY END????
> 
> Yup it is.
> 
> I might have a smut filled collage years done up later, I missed out on a lot of the kinks I wanted to do but the "plot" I had planned out I... Well I accidentally bumped it up because I wanted to get to Dan getting railed which skipped over a lot of other development stuff that I was working on (But was being a slogging bitch to get through) so it popped to the end without a lot of smut that I was thinking of adding in.
> 
> What was with Dan using his safeword?  
> Dan fucks around with Reader a lot and hurts her but it's CONSENSUAL that the Reader semi-accuses him of being ABUSIVE suddenly pulled everything full fucking stop for him and he had to go and have a crisis of self for a little while to ask himself (and Barry) if reader saw him as being abusive and if he really was, because he doesn't WANT to hurt reader unless SHE WANTS him to. He doesn't want to become his parents or her parents and it does worry him that he's into that kind of violence so much or that he's that jealous (That's why he's so aloof, so he doesn't get that way)  
> Barry punched him because he had to explain a little bit of the stuff they did together and also because he realized he was being a dick to Barry and Reader.
> 
> ANYWAY THE END. HOPE YOU ENJOYED, MIGHT DO A PART TWO OR JUST ADD MORE KINKS TO OTHER STORIES.


	17. Notes

Sorry guys.

So I'd said before that I had some notes on this story and that the ending didn't go where I was wanting it to go. And I want to come back to this story later and edit the shit out of it and possibly add at least a few more chapters to it (And I might be able to do this in July/August-ish?) But as some of you know I've just been super life busy and my projected future is looking busier so I don't know if I will be able to finish this or any of my other stories or flesh out any of the new stories I want to write as well.

Anyway so I'm putting up the notes I have for this so that  
a) If anyone wants to write this or whatnot you are free to do so and I will love you for it.  
b) you can all just imagine to your hearts content where I might have been going with it.  
c) If I ever have time to come back to it my notes are here where I always have access to them no matter what computer I'm on so then I can write off of them.

 

Within my stomach, scraped off my knees  
Face-down, ass up/Unexpected sex/Floor sex/Fight sex 

-Dan's mad because he thinks Reader is spending too much time with Barry and her other friends, he's scared she's going to leave him, he's scared he's changing and is both wanting her to stay and thinking maybe it's better if she leaves, he's trying to scare her off. She doesn't bite.

Help me you make me perfect  
Shaving/Sweet/Lovemaking/tickling  
-Next morning all is forgiven and reader gently shaves Dan’s face while sitting with him in the bathroom, they play and have soft sweet sex, all forgiven they talk about their problems a bit more.

Hopping up onto the tiny counter next to the sink you watched him, mostly getting in his way as he tried to shave since it wasn’t like the bathroom was big.

“Can I help you?” You asked just as he paused, probably about to tell you to get lost considering the look on his face which was now changing to slightly contemplative.  
“You want to help me shave?”  
“Yeah!”

He kept staring and then with a shrug held out the razor to you.

Taking it he stood between your legs, stooping down as you gently took his chin in hand, ever so delicately taking the first careful swipe at his cheek.

It was a quiet process, scrape, scrape, splash of the water as you rinsed off the blade, then repeat, again and again, slowly clearing the foam and stubble. 

“Do this” You instructed him to suck in his lips, making the same face as him to get the spot under his nose, continuing to make that face at him while bringing the razor up.

He flinched back covering his mouth making you jump. “Oh! Did I cut you?”  
A soft rare giggle was your reply.

“N-no.” He giggled again looking at you. “Just the face you were making. It was just…” He grinned, biting his bottom lip and giving his head a little shake. “You’re just so cute.”

You blushed while he swept closer and stole a kiss with a slightly grumbly “But slow.” Taking back the razor while you wiped foam off your mouth making ‘yuck’ noises of complaint but happy to hear him laugh watching while he finished up.

You can have my everything  
Domestic life/Boundary making/Daddy&babygirl  
-They plan what university they’re going to while just having a naked day around the house, causally touching and just having a good day together.

I want to fuck you like an animal  
Doggystyle/Spanking/biting/scratching

Help me get away from myself  
Blindfolds/Sensory Deprevation/Sex Toys/Double Penetration/gags (master)  
His voice was low and soft in your ear. “I’m going to fuck every one of your holes until they’re dripping with my cum.”

face down on his couch, ass in the air, spread wide open, with lube and your juices running down your thigh, a dildo sticking out of your ass as he sat behind you, stroking your back. What you didn't know was that he was also rubbing his hard cock through his jeans. The sight you was almost too much for him.  
   
"I've always wanted to do this." he told you.  
   
You could do nothing but pant and moan into the bed. breathing heavily as sweat dripped down your forehead. The insertion took time. He slowly moved the dildo inside you, bit by bit.

You can have my absence of faith  
-Cutting/Bloodplay/Marking/mutual cutting.

Reader fucks Dan up the ass again and he wants more even after coming and they start getting really rough and cut a scar into one another. It's grossly romantic in a fucked up way, like a wedding band, a promise that the only one who can ever hurt them is the other and they're never allowed to hurt themselves again. A little scarred heart.

Help me, I've got no soul to sell  
Coming untouched/Public place  
-Concerns about abuse from a friend where you gently explain that Dan and you have a perfectly consensual and adult but very rough BDSM relationship. Dan hobbles in and sits gingerly, turns out he can on occasion sub and your friend realizes what you did with him and decides to keep their mouth shut.

I want to feel you from the inside  
Fisting/Anal

You bring me closer to god.  
Body worship/Tantric/romantic evening/Love

 

\----

There was also the idea of having a threesome with Barry once he realizes that while fucked up, they're cool with their level of fucked up and really love each other and Barry is also now becoming friends with Dan and this is a one off thing for him that makes them all really good friends even though he realizes he's super not into that kind of sex or scene play and he doesn't regret it but is like "Yeah not for me." anyway. Hopefully I'll be able to work on this again someday.


	18. Not a chapter but an editing note.

I rewrote Chapter 1 April 16 2018 - Didn't change much, moved from "you" to "I" tense structure, going to be going through and changing all the chapters to that.

Not sure how far I'll go with the re-write, still busy with other stuff but I've been in a mood to work on this.  
Don't worry I'm not in a bad headspace I'm just in a space where some of my darker stuff is going to get re-worked.


End file.
